She was tired of always being the strong one, she was tired of pretending everything was okay. Her best friend only used her, when she would finally find happiness her best friend would take it away. She has had to live with the fact that she isn't good enough for 5 long years. Her heart was broken beyond repair. Her eyes were clouded from the cries in the night. Her wrist were tender and swollen, her thighs cut open, and her head spinning.
She walked to her 7th hour thinking "One more hour left of this place then I can leave. Leave it all behind." Even though it may sound like she was planning on dying, she wasn't. She just wanted to sleep. She walked into class and watched as her best friend kissed the only guy that has 'cared' about her. The only guy who has noticed her. He kissed her back, after they were done they both sank into their seats and continued flirting. He waved over to her and motioned for her to join them. She slowly smiled and shook her head no. Once class began, the teacher asked how everyone's day was. We always went around the room and shared one thing that has been good that day and one that has been bad. She listened to everyone ramble on about their day and then it was her friend's turn.
"The worst part of my day was getting dress coded." It was normal for her now, she wore the sluttiest outfits. "And the best was...getting with this guy." She turned to him and smiled. My heart sank. Now it was his turn.
"The worst part of mine was a grade on my chemistry test, and best was getting with the most amazing girl ever." The whole class cheered. My body went numb and my head started to spin.
"Ms. Carter? It is your turn to share about your day." The teacher said looking directly at her. She gently touched her wrist and gave a slight smile.
"The best part of my day was, realizing my future, and the worst was realizing what was in my future." The teacher gave her a confused look and motioned to go on. She just sat there in her seat and shook her head no. They would all find out soon enough she thought.
After class she hurried to her bus. Ignoring the calls that were coming from her friend. She ran to the the bus and put in her head phones. Once she got home she immediately grabbed a pen and paper.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry I wasn't the child you wanted. But its not like you care I'm dead, well except for the fact that now you have no one to hurt.
Dear love of my life,
I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't happy enough. I wish I was the one you wanted. I will miss you, but I couldn't sit there and watch you be with my best friend, I couldn't watch everything in my life crash down around me.
Dear my so called best friend,
I'm sorry that now you can't use me anymore. I let you use me for years, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you taking all of the people in my life away from me. Every Time I begin to be happy, you take it all away, you take it for yourself. I thought I could handle it, maybe I wasn't pretty enough for you to actually care about me. Now you can have him, you can take him and use him like you do with every single guy you steal. Have fun with the way your life turns out. Hope you don't end up like me when you realize everything you have done.
And to everyone else. You couldn't save me. I didn't want to be saved anymore. Just don't do what I did. It's not the answer. But this is my future. This was destined to happen. Forget about me, like you all do best. See you all in another life. :)
She put down her pen and walked to her bathroom. She ran the water in the tub and watched as the water reached the rim of the tub. The water glistening in the bathroom light. She thought to herself, "should I take my clothes off? Eh why would it matter. I will be dead" She smiled as she thought about it and went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. She walked back to the bathroom and grabbed the pain pills that sat on the counter. She took a glass and filled it with water and slid into the tub, with the knife to her side. She started with two pills, as they slid down her throat she took the knife and pressed the blade on her wrist. She put enough pressure for it to draw a lot of blood but not enough. She took 5 more pills and slid the knife against her wrist again, this time with more pressure, to where it hit right above the vien. She took 10 more pills, her vision began to get blurry. And she slid the blade along her skin one last time. Pressing so hard it hit the vein and she watched the water turn dark red, and her eyes closed for the last time.
