Is life really worth all is pain? You ask yourself, as you stand on the edge of your chair, with the rope tied around your neck. You didn't want to go out this way, you didn't want to hang there like a christmas ornament. But your blades have been taken away, you pills are gone, the gun was hidden, and all you had left...was this rope.
So you stand there. Your parents are at work still, siblings at school. You skipped today not wanting to answer all the "are you okay?" questions today. You turned on your camera 10 minutes ago. It was how you were going to say goodbye. Not in some letter, no you wanted to say it so they could hear your words as you tell them why, and how sorry you are for causing such a burden on their lives.
So far it has just been 10 minutes of you standing there. Thinking of if you should take your life or not. You finally work up the courage to look at the camera.
You clear your throat and begin.
"My name is a/n. I am making this video for my family, and my friends. I want to tell you all something individually, instead of just in some letter. So here I go.
Mom and dad, I'm sorry my grades dropped. I'm sorry I kept getting in trouble at school, and always having drama, and never being what you guys wanted. For never making you guys proud. I'm sorry for always falling for the guys who hurt me most, and never being open about how I felt. I'm sorry for causing you guys pain, and so much money, with all the pills that didn't work, and the therapy, and hospital trips. You will only have one last expence of mine...my funeral. After that, you guys will have so much more money to spend on my siblings. I love you guys, don't forget that.
To my siblings, I'm sorry for yelling at you all the time, locking myself in my room, and letting my anger out on you. Things will be different now. You are too young to understand. But I'm in a better place now...I won't be yelling anymore, I won't be there to tell you not to bug mom and dad. You guys will be fine." You start to cry but wipe them away and continue on. "I love you guys.
To my best friend, I'm sorry for always being sad, and ruining fun times. I always brought everyone down and I'm sorry. I wish I would have told you what was going on...but I couldn't. I didn't want anyone to know...when i would get all defensive when you asked why I was wearing sleeves in summer, it was because of my wrist. I didn't want you to know I was back to cutting again. I promised you and many others that I was better...but I wasn't.
To the rest of my friends...I hope you guys the best. And have fun without me ruining things..." You watch the blinking red light on the camera. You said your goodbyes and now...now its time. You smile one last time. And whisper "goodbye" as a tear rolls down your cheek and you walk off the chair. Ending all the pain...for once and for all.
