After I walk away from Marcus, I went to my favorite milkshake place to drown my sadness away with this sweet treat. Most of the time it does magic to me everytime.
The moment I received my order I indulged myself to its refreshing feel it give. The creamy milky tasted that lingers through my senses. I couldn't help but asking for more but the sweetness of it didn't take away the bitterness and pain that I felt. I guess I need a stronger remedy for that. A new hobby? A new distraction? I'm not sure what to do anymore. If only I could rip open my heart and throw it elsewhere to ease my suffering to forget the love that I've been harboring.
I tried to held back my emotions but as soon as I reminisce my memories with him tears started to fall in my eyes. At the same time, I didn't notice that I'm gripping the straw to hard that some contents of the milkshake spilled on my hands. The coldness of the drink didn't bother it too much.
"Nine, aren't you wasting your drink for nothing?" He blurted while he place a strawberries & cream waffle on my table. Drake grab a clean handkerchief on the table and wiped a away the milkshake on my hand. He wiped away the tears on my cheeks too.
Before I could react, he place his finger to my lips giving me a hint not to say a word and just dig in to the dessert he given.
"Eat your food first. Don't worry this food is on me," he smiled and sat on the opposite side of the table.
"What are you doing here?" I exclaimed while I noticed the uniform he was wearing. He only shrugged my reaction.
"I worked part time here and my shift already ended. I guess, you need someone right now that's why I'm here."
"Are you for real? I'm thinking right now if you're possessed or someone hit you on the head." I coudn't resist rolling my eyes. He only snorted at my snide remarks but enjoying my reaction.
I saw his eyes sparkled with interest and how his eyes only focus on me. It felt like he's willing to stay with me but that's a first time I enjoyed someone's company aside from Marcus.
"Yes, I am. I'm feeling generous to be your shock absorber. Tell me, how are you feeling right now?"
"It's horrible, Drake. I feel miserable. I wanted this feeling to stop." when I'm with him I know that I couldn't lie to him for some reasons he could sense if I was lying or not.
Never thought I'll confide all my frustrations for the second time with him. He's the person who didn't give a damn everything about his surroundings. I'll be honest I didn't expect him to listen to my woes but here I am at his mercy.
"Are you willing to take the risk?" He asked me with curiosity in his eyes. That made me think twice about what I said to him.
Telling my bestfriend that I'm in love with him for a long time. It's an understatement of the century. Confessing my feelings to Marcus is a make or break for me. I might lose my bestfriend in the process but in order to move forward I think I need to let him know after that I'll move on.
"Yes, it's the risk that I need to take," I glanced at him and put on a nonchalance expression.
"Go for it! If that's the only way could make you move forward and let go of your feelings for him. Do it for yourself." he encouraged.
Drake and I were neighbors ever since I was young but we were never friends or maybe we were never given a chance. Growing up with the same community, I saw him most of the time avoiding people. I'm quite confused why he made an effort to comfort me.
"All my life I've been living in a shadows of this unrequited love maybe this time I should love myself more than I deserve." Saying all this things to him right now lessen the heaviness on my chest. It felt lighter and it's great to have someone only listens to you without any judgements.
"Maybe this time it's time for you to prioritize yourself first. There's nothing wrong if you want to be selfish this time."
I took a deep breath and fake a smile to make me feel better. I failed miserably for I know the truth. I'm tired of pretending to be okay when I'm not.
"Hey, you don't have to act tough when you're around me. Just be yourself. It's alright to feel pain for that makes us human. It's okay to feel vulnerable and start over again when you're ready."
"Thank you, Drake for everything." I held his hand and gently gripped it. He showed a reassuring smile that he only shows once in a blue moon. Being with him is comforting like I'm at home.
"You're welcome! Trust me, you'll get through this, okay?" I nodded in agreement. I'll make a promise to myself I'll love myself more than I deserve.
Maybe by that I'll find the confidence that I need to move forward and someday I'll find the love that was meant for me but for now I'll take it easy. It's been so long since I revolve my world to Marcus not that he asked me too. Now, it's time for myself to break free.
Goodbye, feelings. No turning back this time....
