This is it!
After a series of pep talk to myself and a little push from Drake. I made a decision for myself to face this unrequited feelings for Marcus. I know my feelings for him will never be reciprocated but I know I can move on from this love for I deserve better.
I sent Marcus a message to meet me to the place where we first met. It's the playground near my place. This place store a fun filled memories of me and him those times we have our little own world. This will also be the place where I'll say goodbye to my love for him.
The place were maintain through the years like it was untouched. The monkey bars, swing, slide and sea saw were still in perfect condition. The old tree we're used to climb a lot still standing proud and strong.
I couldn't help but look on the part where I engraved my feelings for Marcus. The words were still visible in the tree and the message is loud and clear.
I love you, Marcus
I know I shouldn't vandalized on trees but I was foolishly in love back then. This happened 3 years ago when I'm planning to confessed to him on the day of his birthday but he never came. What a sappy story... Right now, I want to leave all of those feelings behind.
"Nine!" I felt a sudden knots form on my stomach. I took long deep breaths and keeping my composure real tight.
This is not the right time to lost control. I need to tell him everything before it happens.
No matter how many times he called me by my name. The effect he's giving me remain the same. He's making my heart skip a beat whenever he's around. Marcus could literally stir a lot of emotions within me that makes me feel butterflies in my stomach and each time he holds me close in his arms I feel safe.
"Marcus," I replied. I straightened my posture and smiled at him.
"Are you alright? The last time I saw you , you asked me to leave you alone. I'm worried that there's something's going on that I didn't know." he explained and his eyes were filled with worry.
He held my hand and gently squeeze it but I let my hand free from his touch.
"I know you're wondering why I'm acting cold and weird these past few days. There's something I want to tell you. Can you promise me to hear me out and not to interrupt while I'm telling you everything?"
I asked him.
"I promise." he said in response.
"We've been best friends for 10 years. We've shared our secrets to each other but there's one thing I didn't tell you. Marcus, I love you," I glance at him eye to eye to see his reaction. My heart beats so fast that it slowly suffocating me but I took a deep breath and continued.
It felt like he knew what I was talking about his giving me a signal to go on.
"Yes, I love you more than a best friend should. I didn't know when it started I only woke up one day that I'm in love with you. I'm telling you this because I couldn't take it anymore. I'm tired of secretly loving you and I know it's not your fault. You don't have to worry about me I know someday I'll be able to move on from you but for now I couldn't stay beside you like I always do. I'm sorry if I'll be selfish right now." I thought I could hold my emotions for a little longer after telling everything but I failed.
Tears fell in my eyes and I quickly wipe away. I glanced at him and he wrapped me in his arms. Being in his arms were comforting but this will be the last time I'll be doing this and one thing for sure I'll be missing it.
"I'm sorry for the times that I'm being an asshole and insensitive jerk you don't deserve that Nine. I never expected after a long time you still like me that it's just a crush it will fade eventually. I was wrong but no words of apologies could take out the pain I've cause you."
What? All this time he knew... Why he didn't confront me about it? My mind questioned.
I released myself from his touch. After his apology, I shook my head in frustration and sat on the ground. For the first time, I lost all control on my body.
My knees weakened. I don't know how to move my body. I want to lashed out on him for making me go through this but deep inside I am the idiot here. I felt a thousand needles pricked all at once to my heart. I couldn't distinguish between numbness and pain.
Here I was thinking that he didn't know what I felt towards him. I'm such a fool to think he didn't know but I was the joke the entire time.
I wept in silence. I'm starting to regret why I did this in the first place. I felt like I'm wounding myself for another heartbreak.
"Hey, talk to me. If there's something I could do to lessened the pain. You can punch or slap me. I couldn't stand seeing you like this." He sat beside me and made look his way but I ignored his eye contact.
He holds my cheeks gently and made me stare to his face once more. All I can see in his face were sadness and guilt.
"Make me move on from this one sided love. I'm tired of running in circles we both know we're only friends that'll will always we'll ever be." I bitterly replied another fresh tears sprung to my eyes but he was the one who wiped it away.
"As much as I wanted you to stay at my side but that would be selfish of me. You've gone through a lot because of me. I'm sorry I'm such a terrible best friend. I'm letting you go, Nine. All I wish is you to be truly happy. Thank you for everything."
"I'll be happier, I promise."
