In Over His Head

Chapter 12

You lifted your head up at the sound of the doorbell. You had your wheelchair parked at the kitchen table while you and Claire decorated the cookies for the party you were hosting for the Fourth of July. Castiel had done the baking under your supervision. Claire glanced out the window and started bouncing in her seat. "It's Mr. Dean and Ms. Donna!" Claire got up and zoomed to the front door, ignoring your and Castiel's calls of her name. You exchanged a glance with Castiel before you sighed and carefully tried to back up from the table. You hated the wheelchair, but you only had to use it for another week or two.

Castiel watched you go and sighed deeply. Nothing more had been said about the growing feelings between the two of you. Castiel was trying to give you the time you needed and, at the same time, he couldn't help but feel guilty. There was a part of him that felt like he was betraying his wife. A part of him that thought that maybe, he would end up forgetting her and he couldn't have that. With another deep breath, he turned his attention back to the task in front of him. 

Dean and Donna were already in the house by the time you managed to maneuver into the foyer. "Hey, Y/N! Love the wheels," Dean quipped and you glared. "Be nice, Dean," Donna chided, handing him the baby carrier as she leaned in to hug you. You indicated that you should make your way into the kitchen. "I need to finish the cookies and check to make sure Castiel hasn't burned the pie. Dean exchanged a knowing glance with his wife before turning back to you with a look on his face that told you he'd only just registered what you said. "Pie?" You and Donna laughed before returning to the kitchen.

Dean immediately went over to his best friend and greeted him as Mary began fussing. Donna inhaled deeply, the exhaustion apparent on her face. "Does she cry often?" Donna shook her head. "No, but when she does, boy I'll tell ya, she can go for hours." Castiel watched in wonder as Donna took the baby out of the carrier and began to calm her. Once the girl was quiet again, Donna handed her over to you.

Castiel couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene. Even in your wheelchair, you looked so at home with a baby in your arms, so natural and Castiel did his best not to imagine what it would be like if that were his baby you were holding, His and yours. While you held Mary, Donna offered to help finish decorating the cookies, eager to do something while her child was content.

Dean nudged his friend and gestured toward the doorway of the kitchen. The two men left the room as they heard Donna ask, "So, how's it feel being the nanny here for almost a year? Sick of it yet?" You chuckled before Dean and Castiel were out of earshot. As soon as they were in the living room, Dean turned on Castiel. "Please, for the love of god, tell me you told her how you felt? I can't stand the goo-goo eyes across the room if you're still just pining." Castiel chuckled and let his friend in on everything that had happened between you.

"I haven't even known her a year...am I moving too quickly?" Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Dude, if you moved any slower, you'd be a sloth." The two men shared a laugh as the doorbell rang again. "That's probably Ellen and Jo. Let's go celebrate our independence!" Dean left Castiel alone in the room, giving him a chance to think. He couldn't help but wonder what Meg would think of you. You were like her in a few ways, but in most, you were completely different.

That night, after the party was cleaned up and everyone was in bed, Castiel dreamed of his late wife for the first time since he'd realized he loved you. "Hey there, Clarence." Castiel turned to see Meg there with a smile on her face. He chuckled softly. "Meg..." Her smile faltered a bit. "Why are you here, Castiel?" Castiel sighed as he took a step toward her. Looking in his eyes, she knew immediately what he was thinking, just as she always had.

"You have nothing to feel guilty for," she told him, "You love her." Castiel swallowed the lump quickly forming in his throat. "I do. I just...I love you." Meg shook her head. "No, Castiel. You loved me. I'm long gone and Y/N? She's right there with you. She loves you and that's all I ever wanted for you. Remember what I used to call you? What you were to me?"

Castiel nodded and smiled again at the memory. "Your unicorn." Meg smirked. "Yes. You were my unicorn. Y/N is your unicorn now. It's okay for you to love her. To move on. I only ever wanted your happiness." Castiel felt the tears pricking his eyes. "I have to go now. I love you." Castiel sniffled and replied,"I love you too." Castiel's eyes opened, tears rolling down his face. "Thank you, Meg,"