In Over His Head

Chapter 11

It took several weeks, but finally, the doctors let you out of the hospital. You had to use a wheelchair for a few more weeks, then you'd have to use crutches for a while, but you were so ecstatic to be out of that hospital room. The only person who seemed to be more excited than you was Claire. From the moment Castiel pulled into the driveway, the little girl was bouncing around you, although very carefully. Even at her young age, she understood that she had to be careful. Benny came down from the porch with her and helped you out of the car. He scooped you up bridal style to carry you up the steps inside the house while Castiel grabbed your wheelchair.

You knew something was bothering Benny. You'd known the whole time you were in the hospital, although you thought it was the medication at first. Now, you knew better. Benny set you on the couch as Castiel and Claire followed behind. Once you were settled, Benny and Castiel exchanged a glance. "I'm afraid I didn't take anything out for dinner. Why don't Claire and I go pick up something?" You arched a brow in question but nodded anyway.

"But I want to stay with Y/N!" You gave Claire a smile and opened you arms for her. She carefully came over to you and climbed in your lap. "Claire, I promise I will still be here when you get back. Go with your uncle to get dinner and we'll eat together, okay? I think Mr. Benny has something he wants to talk about." Reluctantly, Claire nodded and slid off your lap with great care.

As soon as you heard Castiel's car pull away, you turned your head back to Benny. He was sitting, his blue eyes not leaving you, but they were unfocused as if he was contemplating something. "Benny? Wanna talk about whatever's bothering you?" you asked, causing him to blink rapidly. Apparently he hadn't realized he had zoned out. "Nothin', Cher." You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. "Bull. You haven't really talked to me much since that first day in the hospital. Now spill."

Benny sighed heavily. "I just don't know how ta say it." You swallowed thickly. You had a pretty good idea of what was coming. "Just say it, Benny. It's okay." His blue eyes were shining with the tears he'd kept inside for so long. "I love ya, Darlin'. You know that, right?" You nodded. Benny came closer and took your hand in his. "I love you, too." He smiled, but shook his head sadly. "I have no doubt, Y/N, but ya should stop lyin' to yerself and admit that there's someone else ya love more than me."

You glanced down at your lap. "Benny..." He interrupted you by saying, "It's alright, Cher. I neva really stood a chance against him. I love ya and I know ya love me, but I could neva love ya the way he does. Ya didn't see him in the hospital before the doc let us see ya. He was a mess. Wouldn't even come here ta get Claire until he saw ya. I haven't seen him care about anyone as much as he cares about ya since Meg died and honestly, I think he loves ya even more than he did her."

During Benny's whole speech, you stared at your lap in silence. Was he right? Did Castiel really love you? You wanted to shake your head and deny it, but you really couldn't. You wanted to tell Benny that you didn't love Castiel either, but once again, you couldn't. You couldn't lie to Benny, especially not when he was giving you an out.

You looked back up at the Cajun with tears in your eyes. He smiled sadly and gave your hand a squeeze. "It's alright, Darlin'. I just hope ya'll make each otha happy." The tears were flowing freely now and you wanted nothing more than to throw your arms around him. "Hey now, Cher. Don't ya start that. Cas would neva let me hear the end of it if he finds out I made ya cry." You giggled through your tears and Benny chuckled. "There ya are. Now, give us a hug and let's part as friends, alright?" You nodded and let Benny hug you. After making sure you'd be alright on your own for a few minutes, Benny left and you broke down in tears yet again.

You couldn't understand what was wrong with you. Somehow, you ruined one of the best relationships you'd ever had because you couldn't get your feelings for your employer out of your head. Sure, Benny had bowed out graciously, but you couldn't just jump into a relationship with Castiel now. You hadn't forgotten what had happened before the "accident". However, the more you thought about it, the more you came to realize that Castiel had been speaking out of jealousy, not anger. Maybe Benny was right.

You didn't have much more time to think on it before the front door opened again and Claire came running in. "We got your favorite pizza and Uncle Cas said we can eat in the living room today so you wouldn't have to move too much!" You smiled at the little girl before looking over her head at Castiel standing in the door way. He was glancing at you with a sheepish smile. "That sounds wonderful, Claire. Just for tonight though, I think. I have to use the wheelchair sometimes. I can't just sit here all the time," you said with a laugh, turning you attention away from the man staring at you.

Once Claire was in bed, you contemplated how you were going to get upstairs to your own bed. As if reading your mind, Castiel spoke. "I have a sleeper sofa in my office down here if you want to use it. I keep it for those nights when I'm up all night grading papers." You shook your head. "I can't ask you to give up your office, Professor Novak. Especially not when I have a perfectly wonderful bed upstairs." Castiel chuckled softly. "I suppose I could carry you up the stairs to your room." You bit your lip. There was a part of you that really wanted to accept, but after your conversation with Benny, you weren't certain you could handle it.

"Really, Professor, I couldn't ask you to do that. I'm already not going to be able to do most of my job, that is if I still have one. I can't ask you to take care of me. You have your own job. You don't need to do mine too." Castiel's smile fell. He still felt guilty about it all, even though you'd assured him on multiple occasions that you didn't blame him for what happened. "Of course you still have a job, Y/N. If you want it. Besides, I've taken a short sabbatical from the university."

"Why? Why would you want to spend all your time taking care of me, Professor?" you asked. Castiel glanced at you. "Because you're family now, Y/N. I...Claire loves you so much that she even told me that she hated me when I said those horrible things to you. " You didn't miss his almost slip, but you tried to ignore it. "I love Claire too. That little girl is everything to me. It broke my heart to walk out that day," you admitted and Castiel gave you another sad smile. "Can you ever forgive me, Y/N?" You nodded and replied, "I already have, Professor."

"Y/N, I think it's alright if you call me Castiel. Or even Cas." You felt yourself blush at his words but you nodded again. "Now, shall we?" he asked, gesturing to your leg. After you agreed, Castiel scooped you up bridal style and began carrying you up the stairs to your room. "Y/N? What did Benny have to say?" You froze. You knew he was going to ask, but you didn't expect it that night. "We broke it off," you whispered. "I know. He told me he was going to."

For a brief moment, there was silence between the two of you. Then, you felt his lips on your forehead. "I know it isn't the best time, Y/N, but I have to say it before I talk myself out of it again. I love you." You picked your head up off his shoulder and stared. He'd actually said it. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, not wanting to miss a step and fall.

"Castiel...I can't. I love you, I do. I can finally admit it to myself, but I quite literally just got out of a relationship with someone I loved also. I need time." Castiel hugged you closer to him and whispered, "Of course. Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." You sighed softly as he finally reached your room and laid you down on your bed. He pressed his lips to your forehead once more before leaving the room.

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