i did, i left.
i knew i had to do something because otherwise i would just go crazy.
so i started modelling. i wanted to do it, i wanted to work everyday.
fashion had been something i was interested in. although when i was really small my mother had difficulty keeping me dressed, as i liked to be naked. i definitely had strong ideas on what i wanted to wear. my favourite look was always action man or spiderman.
now though, i really like beautiful clothes.
but no, i wasnt successful at first. which wasnt good. i mean, there were elements that were fun because its like this comrodery of people not being successful and you can complain about all the people who are rude to you.
but in total, it wasn't nice. you constantly are told that you're not pretty enough and not tall enough and not skinny enough and that other people are better.
and when you're young you think that means you're not good enough as a person. like that means, im not living up to who i should be and you get kind of battered and bruised alot. but then you kind of grow a skin.
and when you model there's no way you can't notice yourself. because you're constantly surrounded by people saying "oh, she's too short, she's too skinny, she's this, she's whatever". and you're right there. they are talking about you and you're right there.
but then about a year into it i was 'discovered'. and then everybody wanted me.
you know after so long of being like nobody wants you, suddenly they're like "oh my god, who's that?!". and im like "ive met you like five times and im pretty sure you didnt want me like two minutes ago, but cool".
that was in 2011, it still took a while, but it was still more like in the fashion world but definetly became a thing. i was finally like in the shows and i was like ooh this is weird.
