Red Means Dead

The Butterfly

There is a feeling in my head I can't quite label. It's somewhere between a slicing and piercing pain and the more I try to focus on it, the more it intensifies. My whole body is numb and I don't know what is causing it but I can tell I'm in Sickbay from all the talking and noises around me; it may be medications keeping me immobile but it may be something far worse. I can hear the steady beat of my heart on the monitor, something that surprises me as surely I've been here long enough that the audial indicators are not needed. I fixate on why the volume is on and wonder if it is because my heart has stopped frequently. The thought makes it thump against my ribs albeit sluggishly, like I'm running in a really thick atmosphere.

I hear a voice nearby but it's garbled, tinny, like it's coming from the bottom of a cavern.

Slowly words start breaking through, though they don't make much sense.

"Hey, beautiful....okay...safe now...rid of me that easy...so worried..."

"M--Mc--"

"Yeah, Peaches," he sighs, "It's me." Running his knuckle down my cheek, though I don't know why as I'm not crying, he offers quiet sounds of comfort. He brushes his fingers around my hairline and it's surprisingly comforting, taking some of the sharp edge away. "Take a breath, darlin', everything's okay now. You're safe. I've got you."

I seize onto his words and the horrific events from Eris flood my mind, the gore, the haunting dead eyes of Mei, the sounds from the creatures, the demanding pleas from McCoy begging me to fight and his arms wrapped securely around me, holding me together as I fell apart.

"Open your eyes, sweetheart. I've been waiting a long time to talk to you."

"How lon-" I rasp, unable to say more.

"Open those beautiful green eyes first, darlin'. There we go," he whispers as I look back at him. He's fuzzy at first but slowly my vision focuses and he comes into sharp relief.

Dark smudges haunt his lower lids and the faint puckering of a scar resides over his right eye but his gaze is filled with such hope and relief that it negates all of that. He's in his regular blue uniform, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, the material pulling tightly against his muscles.

I want to reach for him but my arms are held down with ten ton weights. He's offering cooing noises anyway, telling me not to struggle and that I'm too medicated to move. That doesn't stop me from trying, though, which puts a strange hiccup in my breathing and still results in nothing.

He's moving a scanner over my chest and head but isn't looking at the readings because his eyes are locked on mine and I use them as anchors. Force of will is the only thing that's going to keep me from spazing out and McCoy seems to be my mooring.

"Am I..." I trail off. Am I, what? I don't want to think of what I yearn to ask so my words hang heavy in the air.

He finishes with the scanner and passes it off to a nurse before caressing my face and murmuring, "I've kept you in a medically induced coma for four days. I wanted the thermal bandages to do their job and, frankly, your body has a lot of healing to do. The scans of your leg and spine don't show any damage so you'll be able to walk."

I try to speak but my throat constricts from not being used so I nod, slowly at first then frantically as his words sink in.

He grabs both sides of my head and angles his face so it's directly over mine. "Blast it, Peaches. You made my heart stop."

Hoarsely, I mumble, "I'm guessing mine...stopped...few times."

"How did you know?"

"I can hear--" a fit of coughs tries to rock my body but doesn't get much control over the drugs. Sweat breaks out along my hairline. Tears squeeze from my eyes. He brushes them from my face until I gain control again. I wheeze, "monitor."

He looks over my head and realization paints his face before he looks back at me. "For my own peace of mind. I needed to hear it."

A nurse flutters over to him, showing him a PADD and he scans it briefly before giving a curt nod and turning his attention back to me. His gaze is sharp but there's a tiredness there like I've never seen, almost like a soft fog is just behind his eyes.

"They're all dead, aren't they?"

Pulling his lips between his teeth, he simply nods, heaving a hefty exhale through his nose.

I blink, my vision blurry and sharp at the same time. A butterfly has found its way into the sickbay, its slightly iridescent wings are an electric shade of blue, the edges a contrasting jet black. Time has slowed as it flitters around the space, its beautiful wings catching the light sending brilliant prisms onto nearby surfaces and dazzling me momentarily like a strike of lightning.

"Hi, I'm Meiying! I think we're roommates."

"Aces. Sadie Walker. Pleasure to meet you."

"You, too! I'm so excited! I've wanted to join Starfleet since I was old enough to talk. Explore strange new worlds. Meet new lifeforms. Travel the stars. The best is yet to come!"

I've lost the butterfly momentarily, until I can blink the tears from my eyes, and find it alight on the deck, just behind McCoy's foot. It beats its wings, happily like it hasn't a care in the universe and can't wait to explore it. And then a heavy, regulation boot crunches down on it, the crackling sounding like gunfire in my ears.

"Meiying is dead."

"I'm so sorry, Sadie."

I blink at him, letting his words settle in.

"Meiying is dead."