Red Means Dead

Now

When I regain awareness of my being, it's bright behind my eyelids and a sheet covers my body. I hear no whirring of the derelict ship, no hustle or beeps of Sickbay. It's utterly quiet, peaceful and a bit unnerving. I don't feel pain and I don't not feel pain. I'm not certain if I am alive or dead. But I'm not alone. He is here, by my side, like always. If this is Death, he is warm and smells of pecan pie and I drift away in the comfort of that.

~~~

It must be eons later when I have my next bout of consciousness. I know now that I am alive. There's a dull ache in my side and a ghost of a twinge in my shoulder.

I've heard voices come and go, soft and polite but not for my benefit. They offer comfort for my companion, words of encouragement, which he responds to graciously but still in his way. The one that roused me this time isn't hiding behind platitudes. He knows what McCoy needs to hear. He knows what I need to hear.

"Is she awake yet?" The Captain asks, hovering nearby.

McCoy sighs. "No. And there's no reason for it. Her body is healed."

"Her head did receive quite the impact."

There is a very long pause. "She's too hard-headed to let that keep her down."

"Hoping a few sparring words will bring her back fighting?"

He chuckles. "I've tried everything else. If it were physical, I could heal her. But this... I just don't know what to do."

"She'll come back when she's ready."

I know I should be awake, there's no reason to still be unconscious but I can't seem to overcome it. Maybe I don't want to.

Everything was fine until it wasn't. I was so used to dealing with everything on my own that I think I'm stubbornly holding onto that desire. I don't want to burden McCoy with my problems. I don't want to seem weak, I don't want to be weak.

~~~

A constant, niggling thought keeps me from resting soundly and no matter how much I try to ignore it, it won't go away. It's a fuzzy recollection that I'm not quite certain if it's a memory or dream and it's playing through my mind endlessly. I'm back on the aliens' ship and I hear voices, human voices, shouting commands and an all-too-familiar one screaming my name. My alien companion is blurry as he stands at the door and then fades out to nothing. My eyes flutter closed and when they open, I think I have died.

But he is there, he has found me and I am safe.

"Bones! Wait for the room to be secure!"

"Jim, I'm a doctor! So let me do my job! You go do yours!"

Bones is a flurry of motion before me, or perhaps he's moving at normal speed and my brain is sluggishly slowing to a stop.

"I didn't go through the transporter for you to leave me like this. Fight, Sadie. You promised!" He sets up a hypospray and injects it into my neck before doing the process two more times. Whatever the cocktail is has me seeing black once more.

I did promise. I promised him. And I promised Linc. Sometimes things don't go quite like we promise.

~~~

The lights are much softer when I regain awareness again. I hear McCoy reading softly beside me from the book he gave me. It's the best part of the story, when all that's left is the heroine and the hero and forever.

Slowly, I open my eyes and find a very humbling sight.  McCoy is sitting close, his forearms on his knees, his hands holding the small book. I hate that I've made him suffer so long. He has spent far too much time by the sides of hospital beds.