Coming Home

Navigate Me

The sun had just began to greet the sky with beautiful magenta and tangerine streaks when I woke. Stretching, I tumbled out of bed. I scooped up my phone, a pair of holey jeans, and a random cast shirt from one of the many musicals I had been in. I blindly made my way to my bathroom in the dark, trying to remember to keep my mind shut off. Thoughts were bad at the moment. It was better to think with a clear mind than one still full of dissapointment and sorrow. I tossed my armful of items onto the bathroom counter and turned the shower on, the water hot enough to turn my skin lobster red. Stripping down and stepping into the scalding water, I relished in the sting it gave me. Immediatly scolding myself, I turn the heat of the water down. I knew I was being childish in thinking that hurting myself would hurt him. "No. I refuse to even acknowledge him by a pronoun. I will quit thinking about him.. Starting now..", I thought.

Clean and dressed, I tucked my phone in my back pocket and started down the stairs. Up until then, the house had been as quiet as an alcohol store on Sunday morning. Once I hit that second to last step though, the sounds and smells hit me. There was clanging and crashing going on in the kitchen, accompanied by smells of burning breakfast. I peered around the corner and let out a loud, "Oh!".

It was Deyvon. There he stood, in all of his Italian glory, covered in head to foot with food. Broken glass littered the ground and a grease fire was currently taking root on my stove in my favorite frying pan. He was frantically running all about the kitchen, searching high and low for God only knows what. I sighed quietly, greatful that he hadn't heard me before and slipped on my boots that I kept by the stairs. I calmly walked into the kitchen, much to his surprise. "Josie! Hey, listen to me! Look, I was trying to cook!", Deyvon said with his beautiful crooked smile playing across his lips. I kept my mouth shut and approached my stove, turning it off and placing a lid on the frying pan. I then proceeded to clean up my kitchen. As I did so, Deyvon silently helped. As we had finally gotten down to picking up the stray pieces of glasses, he took me by the hand. "Josie? Please..", he started to beg.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to meet his for the first time since I had walked into the kitchen. "Leave.", I whispered, almost to myself.

"What? But I came here just to talk to you. I even tried to make you apology breakfast. See?", Deyvon said softly, pointing to a single plate of toast and bacon resting on the counter. I sank down into a chair at the little table that occupied one corner of kitchen. He quickly brought over the plate, setting beside it a cup of coffee. He smiled, still speaking quietly, "Just the way you like.."

I shook my head, "Why are you here, Deyvon?".

Deyvon gave me an appalled look, as if he had every right to be here, "I got some news early this morning. I figured you had a right to know.".

Shrugging, I picked at the food on the plate before I just gave up and took the coffee into my hands. "Well?", I asked.

He sighed deeply, "I went to my recruiting office today. I was ready to go, packed and all that. It was then that I found out my flight physical fell through.."

"Sorry to hear that..", I said quietly. There was a pause and it was a while before either of us spoke. For what seemed like hours, I drank my coffee and he coaxed me into eating the toast and bacon, all without words. Once I had finished eating and cleaning, we sat down at the table together. I stared into my fourth cup of coffee and he watched me. I didn't know what to say. I was relieved because that meant he and I could be together! On the other hand though, I was still angry with him for the stunt he had tried to pull when he thought he was leaving. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I laid my head down on the cool wood of the table and he reached over and gently stroked my hair a couple times.

I sat up and looked him straight in the eyes, "What do you want from me?"

Deyvon appeared stunned. From what, I had no idea. It could have been the fact I had even spoke to him, or the overall oddity of my question. He smiled a little, "I just want us to be like we were before.."

I laughed bitterly, "What? Me following you like a little puppy dog? Worshiping you like you were the only thing in my world? No, I don't think so." The sarcasm dripped off my words, thick and rich as honey.

"Joselyn. Quit. You know that's not what it was like.", he growled. The hurt was apparent in his eyes, and it stabbed at my heart, but I made sure it didn't show. I wanted him, but I wasn't sure it was worth it to try, yet again, at something that failed so badly before. Something that wasn't really a something, but more of a nothing. He took my hands into his and leaned across the table, kissing me gently. Stunned, I couldn't even move. I didn't want to move. But I had to and I knew that. I pulled away from him and stood up, taking him by the arm and leading him to the front door.

I opened it and nudged him out, "I think it's best for you to leave at this time, Mr. Cobey. Maybe at another time, to my convienence, we can converse again. Good day." I shut the door on his face and sank to the ground, wrapping my arms around myself and began to sob. I heard the door open and knew it was him. I didn't object as he pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair. I laid my head on Deyvon's chest until he picked me up and sat onto the couch in the living room, placing me in his lap. "I love you.", I whispered. It wasn't supposed to come out, it wasn't even supposed to have ever of been said. What came next though, was the most surprising of all. Deyvon smiled and kissed my forehead, "And I love you."