i recommend listening to it hurts by got7 when reading this
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they go thirty-six months without contact whatsover.
it's as if youngjae wiped jaebum out of his life completely, and sometimes it seems as though the elder male never existed in his life in the first place. he'd blocked his number and all social networking sites to avoid him as much as possible. but even after three years, he doesn't know why he's just hurting himself by distancing himself away from jaebum. however, even though he knows that running away from him won't ease the pain, he ends up moving to myeongdong.
jaebum lives his life perplexed; always asking himself if he did anything wrong, if he said anything wrong, that might have hurt youngjae emotionally. even after thinking about it for thirty-six months and coming to the conclusion that none of it was his fault, he takes the blame for youngjae's hurting and is constantly blocking everyone out of his life.
as if that's not bad enough, because he passes by the apartment youngjae used to live in every night after he ends work. he'd look up and find himself mindlessly running up the steps to the rooftop, where he finds the littlest bit of ease, although most of the time he's just crying and whimpering and staring at the empty night sky. when he's reminded that youngjae isn't going to come up and lean on his shoulder and smile at him and kiss him again, the ache in his heart comes back.
they both wake up every day feeling restless, finding fault in their own actions, even though most of time they can't find anything. in the end, they lose themselves in the search for their wrongdoings. there's nothing else that they can feel except for pain and desolation.
but the painㅡit gets so much harder to bear when they both know that they're missing one another, and that they need each other, and that they're so desperate to be beside each other. it feels like hell when they both know that they're in pain because they're so fucking in love with each other. there's nothing more they both want than to just see each other again.
on the sixth of januaryㅡjaebum's birthdayㅡyoungjae returns to hongdae, momentarily forgetting that the said person is still living in the place, and that he still works in the small, cozy cafe down the street. he absentmindedly walks to the rooftop, only to find im jaebum sitting cross-legged at the corner.
jaebum sees him and gasps.
"you're here. why here?" youngjae brings himself to ask. he inches closer, but jaebum stays put and keeps quiet. "why hereㅡwhere everything happened and we spent hours talking about the stupidest things?" his voice breaks, and he gulps rather audibly. "why hereㅡwhere i was yours and you were mine, where i loved you and you loved me?"
jaebum runs in front of him and literally pulls him into his arms, holding him close to his chest and sobbing quietly. youngjae would be lying if he says that he doesn't melt into the embrace and feel so elated to be held in jaebum's arms again, because the moment he hears his heartbeat and breathes in the mild scent of vanilla, he wraps his arms around his waist and pulls himself closer.
"there's nothing left of us, jaebum-hyung," he insists, but stays in his hold. "we're only hurting ourselves. we're just going to leave each other in pain all over again."
jaebum cups his face and stares right into his eyes, and fuck, does it hurt to look at him again; memories rush through his mind and crashes all his walls down like some sort of tsunami. all those hushed whispers and stolen glances, all those nights sitting in silence with hands entwined, all those kisses they shared and all the times they've held each other in their arms as though their lives depended on each otherㅡit all comes back.
"are you going to leave me again?"
his voice is quiet, gentle, soft; it kills youngjae just hearing the words slip between his lips he desperately wanted to cover with his own. jaebum repeats his question, and the younger male simply closes his eyes and chews on the skin of his bottom lip. he didn't want to meet jaebum's piercing gazeㅡthe more he maintains eye contact, the more his heart aches. youngjae is silent as he places his hands over jaebum's, bringing them down in front of him instead.
he opens his eyes and gently caresses the elder male's cheek, threading his fingers through dark strands of hair, wiping his tears away and resting his hand between his neck and shoulder. they stay like that for what seems like forever.
"am i going to lose you for the second time?"
youngjae closes the gap between them and kisses him. it's as though time stops, and nothing else matters except for the two of them. his heart is beating so hard against his chest that it's practically all he hears, his mind is clouded with thoughts and his vision is blinded by his tears. everything felt so wrong, yet so right. it felt so fucking right to kiss im jaebum again, to mould their lips together and to have all those fucking butterflies fluttering about in his stomach. but it felt wrong all the same.
when they finally pull away, youngjae lets go of jaebum's hand, turning around and stepping back. he blinks once, twice, before pursing his lips into a tight line and using his knuckles to stop the tears from falling. he pads over to the door that leads to the staircase with slow and small steps. he's hesitant, and he just wants to run back to where jaebum is and never let him go. his subconscious is screaming at him, and the voice is loud, so loud. it deafens him so much to extent that he starts crying again.
before he reaches the door, he turns around. jaebum is still standing there, his eyes sad and lifeless, his hands by his sides. the sight itself hurts him, but youngjae just stops there and exhales deeply.
"you've never lost me, and you never will lose me."
✧
no; no they didn't end up together.
i'm gonna get so much hate for this i swear, but this is it !! imessage has finally come to an end and i am literally in tears bc this book was so fun to write. i'll miss reading the comments and waking up to votes and such good feedback.
i alr warned y'all to prepare tissues for a heartbreaking ending :'( i know this isn't what any of you wanted but hey, life can't always end happily. to cheer you up a bit, at least they kissed! and that last sentence okay, my heart hurts shut up
if anyone is wondering what happened to yeon-joo, let's just say after 2jae broke up, she left youngjae alone. her sole mission was to see him in pain, so as soon as he left jaebum, she didn't do anything else to bother him. she also let yeon-hwa live her life.
i'll publish the alternate ending you guys wanted probably later tonight or tomorrow. for the meantime, adios from me! i'll put up a character q&a after the alternate ending, so wait for that one hehe
i love you guys. thank you so much for the endless support and all the love i've received throughout this entire book.
for the last time,
author syif xox
