Paranoia.

E

This chapter contains: depression

'Hello sleeping beauty, wake up. It's the first day of school.' Grayson says, his voice still raspy.

It's like 5:30 AM. Grayson is already fully clothed and eating his cornflakes. How can he be this happy and why the fuck am I already awake?

'Why so early?' I ask him, still not moving.

'Because.' He says back, placing a hand on his hip while flipping his non-existent long hair.

'That's not a valid reason.' I shout back but he already went to the kitchen.

I get up and place my bare feet on the ice cold floor. I look at my wardrobe and just grab two random items of clothing. I am not even trying to pretend I care. I search for my socks when Grayson walks in again.

'Hey, just one more year, Ethan. You're going to be fine.' He lays his arm around my shoulder  to comfort me and gives my shoulder a squeeze.

'Fuck.' I say and I continue my big adventure of searching socks. 'I can't handle this fucked up school one more year. They hate me there. I am weird and creepy and those judgemental asses are going to look at me like I have shit on my face.'

An awkward silence falls because he knows every little thing I just said is true. My eyes are starting to get wet so I just look away from him. It's useless because I know he'll notice anyways. There's no one in this world who knows me better than Grayson.

'I don't hate you. I don't even know what I would do without you. Just remember that, okay?'

He gives me a hug and walks back to the kitchen. I fall down on my bed again, knowing that this year is going to be the worst of all.

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'How are you feeling?' Grayson asks me on our way to school. He slows down a little to keep up with me.

'Like the Purge is about to start and I'm the one who's everybody planning to kill.' I look down at the street and kick against a rock, which lands on a big, expensive car. The person in the car seems to notice and parks his car aside the road. He opens his door and walks over to me.

'Do you think this is some toy car or something? Look out next time, asshole.' He gives me an angry look but doesn't walk away.

'Hello? Am I talking to a wall or something? I expect an apology.' The man hits me on the head, but I can't move. My body is fully frozen. Not an unusual feeling when someone talks to me. Grayson notices and jumps between me and the man.

'Slow down sir. My brother has some serious problems when it comes to socializing, so don't blame him. He's truly sorry, I know it for sure. If there is something wrong with your car, just give me a call and I'll fix it. ' He says calm and gives the man a paper with his number written on it.

The man looks disgusted at me and takes the paper. 'It's not that easy, just saying he has a socializing problem, my son has one to, but he can talk properly. I want to have an apology from him. NOW.' The man just looks at me. He slowly comes closer and slaps me in the face. 'SAY SOMETHING!'

Grayson looks aghast at this scene and seems to be as frozen as I am. The man starts to kick me and that seems to wake Grayson up.

'What the fuck do you think you're doing? He is my brother and you keep your hands off of him. You understand? And now get the fuck out of here before I call the police for needless violence. Asshole.' I've never seen Grayson that angry, like never. The man looks suprised and gives him an angry look. He turns his head to me one last time and heads back to his car.

'You'll hear from me!' He yells, and takes off.

'Fuck you!' Grayson yells back and puts his middlefinger in the air.

'This is what I mean. Did you see the look on his face, he'll probably call the police to claim money from us. We already don't have that much to spend, and it's all my fault. I'm sure you hate me too now.' My eyes start to get wet again, and I start to get weak in my knees. I slowly start to cry with my head between my legs. This isn't the first mental breakdown I've had this week. It's one out of many, but it's the first one with Grayson around.

'Ethan, what's happening? Are you okay?' Grayson sits down next to me and has a scared expression on his face. 'Ethan? What do I do? What's going on?'

'Make it stop, make it stop please.' I cry, and my whole body just screams out panic. 'I just want to stop this, please help me Grayson.' We're on the middle of a street and everyone is looking at us. Disgusted, meaningless or shocked. Some of the expressions I hear from Grayson were on their faces. I didn't notice. The only thing I noticed was Grayson, before I passed out, drowning in my own panic.

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