When the Past Becomes the Present

Chapter 4 - Realizations

Leila’s Point of View

I sat in front of my dresser, brushing my hair as I thought about the different occurrences a while ago. Why was Charles acting so differently? First, he says he misses me. Second, he would show it. But then, he suddenly goes cold and snaps out of his normal self. But why? That, I couldn’t seem to understand!

The time with him was fun, but extremely complicated by the end. Nope, I didn’t get why he would be so cold and seem like he was shutting me out. Was he?

I reached out for my bag, when all of a sudden; a piece of paper fell from it. I quickly picked it up and unfolded. What is this? I thought.

The letter was from him… It was from Charles:

Dearest Leila,

                These last few days were really fun. I have felt again all those feelings I’ve had when we were together – all those emotions rewind in one day. I was so glad to be able to reencounter the feelings I had when we first met, had our first kiss, and how I fell even more in love every time. But with those joyful memories were the pain and heartaches all over again. To be honest, I thought I’ll be able to call you mine after that. But now, I know I couldn’t. Not when you’re fine without me, nor when you’ve found someone else.

                I was a fool for letting you go so long ago. I thought that maybe if I give you your freedom, that you would then realize that you prefer to be with me than with anyone else. But I was wrong. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. And I hope we could just turn back time and start all over again. Yet, we couldn’t, could we? You’ve found your other half. I don’t want you to choose your past over your wonderful present. I’m glad you were able to move on after the pain that I’ve caused,

                Don’t worry about me. Soon, I’ll be able to move on myself. I’ll be able to look back and smile, without hurting, Two weeks from now, I’m returning to New York. And I’m staying for good, I guess. That’s the only way I could stop myself from seeing you.

                I have loved you with all my heart. All these years, and still you have it. You’re still the one it’s searching for. How I wish it’s the same for you. But, enough with my selfish needs… I just hope he stays true to you. I hope he gives you the love you so much deserve. I hope you will be very happy.

                We are just not meant for each other. It still hurts so much, but I know I’ll be able to cope up with the pain like you did. I’ll then find the right one for me too, and we’ll both be happy. But until then, I love you.

Charles Pettigrew

Sobs echoed in the room as tears freely streamed down my face. I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t stop the tears. He is still in love with me? After everything that I have done to him, and I am still the one that he loves. Oh, how lucky am I? Yet, so stupid for not noticing.

Now, what do I do? I can’t fool myself; I’m still in love with him! Yes, I’ve learned to love Martin, but that’s it. I love how he treats me. I love how he makes me feel. I love how much he gives importance to me. But do I love him? Probably, yes. But it’s not a love that I can compare with Charles’.

It took me my entire college life to move on from my high school lover and to find someone better. Trust me; Martin is the best guy anyone could ask for. He’s charming, intelligent, sweet, caring and so much more! But why can’t I seem to love him more than or at least as much as how I loved Charles?

Guilt played with my conscience, making me realize that I wasn’t truly in love with Martin. But, I don’t understand! I fell for him, when all he did was trying and being his very best. That’s it. But now that Charles is back in the picture, why does he still weigh more?

Charles had been away from my sight and everything else for years. Never did I think that there is still a place for him inside my heart. Now there’s no more point in denying though, but there’s no point in admitting it to him either. He has given up; when all I wanted was for him to strive more if he would really want to…