Life

I couldn't fight for friendship . Like always

This is not a true story . Just some random things I make up .
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It's so sad to know she didn't care
It's so sad to know she wouldn't fight for us, for our friendship.
I don't know what to think anymore
Who to trust
Who do I trust
But I can't help it
I can't put my walls up
I can't not be friendly amongst people
That's just who I am
But I wish I could latch out people who were bad for me like how they did to me except I was never bad.
Like how they always do
This always happens to me and each time I get hurt worst than before .
What can I do
What should I do
I tried fighting for her
I cared
I wanted to mend the mistakes
And I thought she felt the same too
She was one of my best friend  I had her back and I thought she did too
It was the 2 of us , inseparable at least that's what I believed  but no one ever stayed with me
I was know by all to be crazy caring and too friendly
No one knew what I felt
No one asked me how I was, if I was okay , If I was truly happy
No one knew
Maybe I should stop caring
Instead I would be there
For everyone
And No one was truly there for me
All I wanted was a friend
Someone who would die hard care for me
My biggest fan
Someone who knew me better than I knew myself
Someone who will pick me up when I fall because  I fall
I always fall
I have fallen so much
And hurt
Hurt so much
She said I was weak , physically
I knew I was weak , mentally
So I stood up for myself
For the first time ever I stood up for myself
But that led to nothingness
Her true personality was revealed
Did she really like being stronger that me
She saw me fall before but I don't know if I ever remember her picking me up and dusting off my shoulders from it all
She never showed she hurts like I do or as I did
Did she even hurt
Was it all a lie
Did she even care
Did she ever cared
Everyone who heard the story said I was not to blame, she was only toxic for me
I know she was toxic for me
But I couldn't let her go
She was a dear friend to me
I'm so scared to let my self open to anyone but I am weak like that
Always too weak
I can't  avoid this
I can't help but want to have a friend
I can't help but trying to put myself close to somebody
I can't help but feel frustrated  of being lonely
No I would never cut or do something so selfish
I can't even prick my finger with a needle for blood sugar levels
I don't like pain generally
I know they are people out there who care for me
But still I can't help but feel this way
What did I deserve to feel this way , to be in this position
I know it's just a minor thing but to me it's much more than that
I guess It's much more than me
Im not really that much important
So I shall end here
Right now
With this full stop
.