Daddy's lovin monster

Four

"The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased; it can only be accepted." - Anon.

I knew I couldn't forget who I was or will be, all that matters is my present self. If you worry too much about the past or future, I won't have time to think about now.

"Finally! Your awake!" Joker jumps around clapping and skipping. I know exactly where I am, just were I started, the chemical bath.

He pulls me up by both arms and brushes away the strands of now brunette hair from my face.

"Oh baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, I missed you so." I throw his hand off of my face. I can't bear to look at him.

"My, my, how did you change so fast you may be wondering? No it wasn't you free falling and finally finding freedom from me...it was the kiss of batman." I keep a still face. But I can't help anymore but ask, I'm in the same situation I was. Falling under his speed of mind games...and jokes.

"What was in-" he finishes my sentence.

"The kiss? Ah, you see that wasn't batman but it was me and if you hadn't noticed his lips seemed a dark shade of grey but you obviously couldn't tell you idiot. Anyways, the grey stuff was what I used on you many, many years ago. Back in Arkham. Our first true kiss, I dabbed a bit of grey power, pressed it against my lips and kissed you my darling. It's called the kiss of wonders, the kiss of me. It moves into their lips, and when they ingest it-" he takes a few steps back and rubs his hands all down himself.

"This is what you get sweetie pie but as you can see it does a reverse turn sometimes...as it did on you." I look over the edge where 9 tubs of chemicals lay and I point to them.

"Then what did that bath do to me huh?" He gets up real close. I can feel his breath on my own skin.

"It's the perfect cherry on top Sweetie, just what an ice cream cone like you NEEDS." His hands move from his self to my shoulder and pushes me over the edge just enough to make me fall. It's a cycle that never ends. I see lights flashing again, and he laughs at the sight of it.

When I hit the chemicals, my skin tingled but it felt so good. I can't let this happen to me. Why does it always end up like this? How am I falling for this monster again and again and again? He never did deserve it in the beginning when it was all a joke, it's not a joke anymore. But still, every time he lays his hands on my I feel warmth and acceptance for once. My whole life I was teased and bullied and that's what we have in common. Nobody has every treated me like him. But it's sickening to my stomach at the same time.

I can feel his arms pulling me up to the top of the bath. We reach the top where I can breathe and I open my eyes to look at him, holding me just like he did that first time. 

"Welcome back sweetie." He presses his Cold lips on mine and I hold him closer. I he makes me feel okay inside. This bath has no affect on me when it's just me and him on top. I can't help myself but a deep feeling in my gut says I love him oh I love him, he other says he's terrible, a monster, stop this. My mind takes over myself and I hold onto him tighter than I ever have. I know who I am. Harleen Quinzel, the girl everybody wanted me to be. But he wants me to be The only and only Harley Quinn. The bubbles around us create a gas that fills the air of this giant tank we're in.

"We have to leave Harley NOW!" He Carry's me to the edge and throws me over. He comes after and he runs without me.

"Mr. J wait!" I catch up to him as we're racing to the door. The smog covers the entire building and it seems as though it's chasing us. We run out the door.

"What was that?" I ask him.

"Not good." He holds my hand so tight and we run together. We find out the chemicals had given out a smoke that if you heavily ingest will cause health problems. He must really care enough about me to take me with him out of there and actually throw me over the side of the tank. He really does love me doesn't he.

"Come to daddy." I stream tears and run to his arms where he lifts me up and kisses me again and again and again. My arm rubs all over his back and he sets me down and twirls me around. I feel myself and I don't care what anyone else is going to say. He is my puddin and will always be. I can't be Harleen Quinzel because that's not who I am.

"Let's celebrate tonight!" He suggests.

"Of course!" We skip around Gotham until we think it's safe to go back in.

Joker has a room just for me in his layer so I go inside. I close the door behind me and walk over to my mirror. My reflection isn't myself, it's dr. Harleen Quinzel. The girl who was normal and worked at Arkham. What have I become?

I heard a soft knock on the door and turn my head around to see Joker.

"Oh darling you look lovely!" I blush and rubs my hair through my curled up hair.

"But how are we going to have a night on the town if you wearing that?" He feels my skin tight purple dress.

"Your still not the Harley I love and live for." He rubs his finger on my chin. I slowly put it down and face forwards the ground where I once stood and put on my jester costume.

"I don't feel it, I'm not sure I can feel it. Some grey powder isn't strong enough. You'd really have to throw me over the edge."

"Oh I assure you tonight your life will be changed forever." I look in the mirror one more time.

"Why are you so confused Harley? Or should I even call you that? It should be an easy answer, YOUR HARLEY QUINN! Not some putty physiatrist Harleen Quinzel."

"Harleen was the first person you fell in love with-" he cuts me off short before I can even finish.

"Oh yes yes yes yes yes, but...Harley is so much more fun precious. To me and to the world. Everybody loves you as Harley, nobody even knew the girl behind the counter named Harleen, now everybody knows you but as the one and only, infamous, Harley Quinn." In my mind I knows it's all a game but in my heart it's who everyone loves and adores. Harley. I'm scared to say something, if he will attack me.

"So change into this." He comes and throws me a loose red dress, walks out and slams the door. Is he a monster? Is he my love? I don't know anymore if these questions will be ever answered.