Lucinda Evans - still in progress

Chapter 4 - Draco the ferret

At dinner, I'm sitting next to Draco, as he ordered me to. He's is reading the Daily Prophet when he suddenly starts laughing. "Look, Lucinda. Read this," he hands me over the newspaper.

FURTHER MISTAKES AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC 

It seems as though the Ministry of Magic's troubles are not yet at an end, writes Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent. Recently under fire for its poor crowd control at the Quidditch World Cup, and still unable to account for the disappearance of one of its witches, the Ministry was plunged into fresh embarrassment yesterday by the antics of Arnold Weasley, of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Arnold Weasley, who was charged with possession of a flying car two years ago, was yesterday involved in a tussle with several Muggle law-keepers ("policemen") over a number of highly aggressive dustbins. Mr. Weasley appears to have rushed to the aid of "Mad-Eye" Moody, the aged ex-Auror who retired from the Ministry when no longer able to tell the difference between a handshake and at- tempted murder. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Weasley found, upon arrival at Mr. Moody's heavily guarded house, that Mr. Moody had once again raised a false alarm. Mr. Weasley was forced to modify several memories before he could escape from the policemen, but refused to answer Daily Prophet questions about why he had involved the Ministry in such an undignified and potentially embarrassing scene.

"What about it?" I ask. Of course, I know what he means by handing me this. I know how he thinks it's funny that pureblood wizards can sink so low as the Weasley family. 

"Don't play dumb with me, Lucinda. I know you find this just as funny as I do."

Of course I do, that is why I'm laughing so hard. Can't you tell?

"Weasley! Hey, Weasley!" Draco snatches the newspaper and runs away. I look up to see where he is heading and see the Golden Trio walk into the Great Hall.

"What?" Ron asks shortly.

"Your dad's in the paper, Weasley!" Draco jeers loudly, brandishing a copy of the Daily Prophet and speaking very loudly, so that everyone in the packed entrance hall can hear him loud and clearly. "Listen to this! 'It seems as though the Ministry of Magic's troubles are not yet at an end, writes Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent. Recently under fire for its poor crowd control at the Quidditch World Cup, and still unable to account for the disappearance of one of its witches, the Ministry was plunged into fresh embarrassment yesterday by the antics of Arnold Weasley, of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office'."

Draco looks up from the newspaper. "Imagine them not even getting his name right, Weasley. It's almost as though he's a complete nonentity, isn't it?" he crows. Everyone in the entrance hall was listening now. Draco straightens the paper arrogantly before reading on. "Arnold Weasley, who was charged with possession of a flying car two years ago, was yesterday involved in a tussle with several Muggle law-keepers ("policemen") over a number of highly aggressive dustbins. Mr. Weasley appears to have rushed to the aid of "Mad-Eye" Moody, the aged ex-Auror who retired from the Ministry when no longer able to tell the difference between a handshake and at- tempted murder. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Weasley found, upon arrival at Mr. Moody's heavily guarded house, that Mr. Moody had once again raised a false alarm. Mr. Weasley was forced to modify several memories before he could escape from the policemen, but refused to answer Daily Prophet questions about why he had involved the Ministry in such an undignified and potentially embarrassing scene'."

"And there's a picture, Weasley!" Malfoy says in mocked excitement, flipping the paper over and holding it up. "A picture of your parents outside their house — if you can call it a house! Your mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn't she?"

Ronald Wealsey is clearly shaking with fury. Everyone in the Hall is staring at him.

"Get stuffed, Malfoy," said Harry. "C'mon, Ron. . . ."