no matter what - I lost.
I don't know if this is the case and don't trust things I say or take my advice at all but whether I'm dead or with the one I love I've lost.
that is because I've lost me. I don't like reading or writing yet here I am.
I don't like pop or socialising yet I'm known for being popular.
I hate it when people change for others no matter what the reason. yet here I am. changed and different.
I've lost myself.now I'm what others thought was better even though I'm still shit. I lie to make things a better story or nicer to hear. things like I love the girl I lost my virginity to and I am still with her. things like I love life.all lies add up and all memories turn to nightmares. what is left is just unknown bullshit.
but sometimes people come back thinking it's their second chance and they will do better and will prosper.
I wish I could think that but all I think is that I should be dead. why aren't i? I've done shit things. I've taken bad things. aren't drugs going to kill? isn't tar supposed to kill? isn't losing blood supposed to kill? where's all the guilt gone? where's any emotion?
my only thoughts now are facts
the fact I've lost
the fact that you can't forget and hide your haunts
the fact that my hands shake when something is mentioned
the fact that I lose it if you bring up a certain topic
the facts that I hate so much
the fact that I am broken
and the fact that I've lost
