Can You Relate??

Broken....

Right now I'm laying here wondering if you still love me, wondering if you miss me, and thinking about all these questions I have for you that I'm hoping you'll answer but that'll probably never happen. I'm laying here crying because I miss you and because I still love you and not knowing if you still feel the same is killing me. I'm literally dying without you but you wouldn't know because I smile around all of my friends and I smile around everyone but when I go home I lay in bed and cry all night. I give myself massive headaches from all the crying I do and soon sleep takes over and even then I'm not safe. Even in my dreams I don't have you.... When I wake up I cry but go into the bathroom and stay in there until my face looks like I have cried at all. I don't eat....I don't talk to anyone. If someone texts me I just talk for a few because im not in the mood to talk and then I say I'm going to sleep but in reality I just don't care to talk to anyone.... When I take a shower I sit down in the floor of the shower and bring my knees up to my face and wrap my arms round them and cry until the water runs cold. Then after that I get out put on my night clothes and look at pictures of us....of all the memories and I remember all the good times and all the criss cross pinkie promises we made and that will probably never mean anything again and just so you know I broke one of our pinkie promises because you broke the most special one....and I bet you can't guess which one it is.... I wish I could talk to you I wish you would talk to me, I miss how we used to fight over whom loved who more and I miss saying that to you everyday. I miss texting you those long sweet texts I would send you everyday even though you didn't text back all the time I still loved to do it because I knew how good it made you feel.... The day before you left you were just fine.... The day before I surprised you because it was your birthday and you hadn't seen me in a while but you acted normal, you were hugging and kissing me and playing around with me like normal and the next day I was waiting to see your face because I found out you were going to try and surprise me since I surprised you but instead I got a message from you....telling me that we had to break up.... I still don't understand how could all that change in just a few hours.... I just wish you would explain it to me but you say I wouldn't understand and I don't know why you think that because you wouldn't know unless you told me. We all hurt on the I side sometimes but that's why you have people around you so that you can talk to them you aren't supposed to push them away because you think they won't understand.... I still wear the necklace you bought me that says you love me to the moon and back (whatever happened to that??) Do you still wear the jacket that I got you for your birthday? I talked to your mom and she says she doesn't know what's going on because you won't talk to her either.... Something must be really wrong because you talk to her about everything and that worries me. It worries me that you're going through this alone and that you feel like no one cares and you're slowly going deeper into your thoughts and that it'll end up badly and what you don't know is that everyone around you is confused because you were so happy with me but you just broke up with me with non explanation and everyone what's to know why.... Little do you know that everyone is worried about you but you just won't talk to them. I talked to your best friend and he said when he asked you about it you said you didn't want to talk about it.... You won't talk to your best friend either and that worries me too. You won't talk to me and that worries me also.... I don't know why but you won't talk to anyone and that means the problem is worse than I thought it hurts me to know that you feel like you can't talk to me. I talked to your mom and she says you still wear the jacket and that you never take it off except to take a shower and to get ready for school but then you put it right back on and start the cycle all over again the next day....she tries to wash it but you yell at her because you say it'll lose the smell....I tried for a week to get it to smell like me but why would you want it to still smell like me? And it gives me hope.... Hope that you still love me and that you miss !e and after you get through this maybe you'll come back.... I don't know what it means but I hope it means that you miss me because I miss you too I wish I could tell you all this stuff but I'm afraid it'll make you feel even worse in the situation you're already in.... I miss you so much and I love you more than anything in this world I just hope you know that.... I've been praying about you all the time and the best thing that I have gotten back as for telling me how to help you is to just love you through what you're going through what you're going through and to try to talk to you but I don't know how to do that.... But I just needs to figure that out and hope it'll help you and wait for you you to hopefully come back to me....