Written on the wrist - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 18 - The End

"(Y/n), we need to talk." he breathed out and you frowned.

"Talk about what? I- I don't understand." your voice trembled.

"No, don't worry it's just- There is something I need to get out of my chest and you- please listen to me, alright?" he pleaded with his eyes and holding back your fears you nodded your head.

"Don't be mad at me, please. There are just some things I- I need to tell you and this is the only moment I can." he sighed, still seeing how cautious you were.

You swallowed down the lump in your throat "Alright, I promise." you blinked "I said I would always be here for you." you offered him a genuine small smile and he did the same. He let a small sigh and so he spoke, he said everything he'd been holding back.

"It's a beautiful place." Dean mumbled taking a look out of the window, resting his weight on the wall. You hummed in agreement, rubbing your dog's belly as he lay down on your bed.

"Really homie."

"It's-" he sighed "-(Y/n) this place is... everything I could ask for."

"Yes." you pursed your lips "I very much got that, I am just struggling to understand the part where you say that no all of us are going back to the bunker after this." you got up from the bed and looked at him defensively.

"No, no hey please calm down alright? Please just-" he placed his hands on your shoulders to hold you back but you shrugged them off.

"No, I will calm down when you explain to me what the heck you are trying to say." you hissed, feeling the tears well up in your eyes.

His words could still echoe in your mind and as much as you didn't want to fear the worst, you did. "Not all of us are going back to the bunker after this." you clenched your fists and held back the tears.

"I'm just-" he let out a shaky sigh, running a hand down his face "I want you to- I need you to understand this is the safest you'll ever be."

"Don't you think I know that already?" you hissed "But did you ever consider that maybe what I want is not safety butyou!"

"I know, I know." he almost sobbed "Don't you think I want that too? But- but with this thing here- about to take control any moment I- I can't risk it (Y/n). I wish so bad we could have a chance but as long as it is there-"

"What?" you cut him off shouting "What are you going to do? Push me away? Is that what you've been thinking all day we're here?!" tears by now were slipping your eyes but you didn't care about brushing them away.

"No! No, (Y/n) no- it's- it's not that!" he rushed to say "I'm just- I'm scared about you, please try to understand that." his lower lip trembled and only then did you notice his eyes were watery.

"I never said this out loud." he breathed out, lowering his head "Not even to myself. But that never meant I didn't want it. This place- it's all I'd ever want to have with you. Even- even that mut. I'd be willing to keep him for you as long as you didn't force me to get him in the car-" he choked out a sob as Dean jumped from the bed and walked towards him, whining slightly.

"But that doesn't mean I can, (Y/n)." he finally looked at you "How will I ever be able to live in a place like this and- and let myself have the family I always wanted with you when I don't know if I will be able to control myself even in some stupid argument about who should paint the nursery!" he practically shouted and a small gasp left your lips at his words. Your eyes widened and another tear slipped as your mouth fell open.

"D" you almost whimpered and rubbed his eyes to fight the tears back.

"I don't want to have to push you away, (Y/n). I never would, not at knowing how much it fucking scares me to have to face a life without you."