SONG:
Shadows - Sabrina Carpenter
Episode Twenty:
BACK TO HAUNT
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L A W R E N C E ' S P O V :
Fawn left a few minutes ago. She trotted down the hallway with an all too peachy smile on her face. What the hell was she smiling about? Beats me, all I know is that something is off about her this morning. Now that I get to thinking about it, I have to say that she wasn't really acting herself last night either.
After we sat on the bench that afternoon we both went down the street to the little ice cream parlor not too far down the street. On the way there she was bombarded with text messages, so many that she ended up just turning the phone off. I would've asked to see her phone, see who was being such a pain in my ass – our asses, but the phone was already powering off when it crossed my mind.
When I actually got to asking her who it was, she always steered the topic of conversation elsewhere, vague one word answers all that I could squeeze out. Then this morning she's blatantly spewing a narrative to get me to quit asking.
I'm not gullible enough to believe she actually wanted to see me late last night.
Which brings me back to what happened after she finished her ice cream – she got up and left. After scarfing down the entirety of her chocolate cone, she suddenly blurted out that she had a prior arrangement scheduled in ten minutes. I asked what it was, see if she was about to go sneak off with some douche – nothing. She wouldn't answer, claiming it was a family matter that she deemed too private to share.
I find it funny, because before we were dating she told me everything.
She's always been able to talk to me, confide in me, and it meant everything. She means everything to me, more than she – or anyone – knows. It's probably because we had such an awkwardly perfect relationship. When everything was going downhill for me, when my parents were back at it again – she was always there. Typically smiling shyly with a beet red face, and it was the most amazing thing to see when you're sitting in suck a dark place. It always is – no matter where you are. I miss what we were.
The longing glances from her, and the suggestive smirks from me across the length of the cafeteria. Dropping by her locker to say hello, and seeing her blush was the highlight of my god damn day. After school when she'd walk home, I'd trail right beside her in my car laughing at her angry expressions – typically directed at me for bragging. I never thought I'd see the day that her playfully enraged expression would be tossed to the wayside. Mainly because I never thought that everything I wanted us to be would come to be. But it did, and – maybe that's why she and I were better left as just dreams of what could've been instead of a burnt out, rusty reality.
A part of me knows that that's the sad truth, but the majority of me is still clinging on. Hoping to find something to salvage before the relationship we'd spent years building tilts off its axis and sends us flying into an inescapable void. The void that's filled with nothing but my regret and the echo of her voice cutting me out for good.
My biggest fear is her quitting on me.
Quitting on us, and what we've both been waiting for since the day we locked eyes at the front of Bellview Middle School, on August 19th.
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