Be Gold

Prologue

Prologue

I have diagnosed myself with depression. The name calling everyday brings sadness to my mood, the sleepless nights of just crying and crying, because of each horrible moment in my day. Even the fact I haven't smiled in such a while, has made me think that. I had not one friend to lean on as well. Not even my own family will give me guidance.

I feel hopeless.

The gold days were when my father was around. He was the shoulder to cry on. He was the one who stuck up for me. He was like an angel.

He always said "Be gold, Ellie." But I never understood what that meant.

The only time my father gets mentioned after his death, is that he looks like me. I have his fair hair and big, bright, blue eyes. No one says anything about feeling sorry for me and my family nor memories. Only our appearances.

My mother on the other hand has long, bleached hair, dark green orbs and wears way too much makeup. She almost looks like my two, spoilt sisters, Olivia and Molly. Including the way too much makeup part as well.

Sometimes when I was little, people used to ask if I was adopted because I look nothing like my mother.

Olivia and Molly are two years younger than me - 15 years old. They always get what they want, when they want it. And even worse, they dress horribly like short skirts and shorts, see through tops and wears tons of makeup! And they make living at home a nightmare including my mum.

Firstly, I get teased at school for being the 'smart one' and the 'not so outgoing one'. It is stupid how society is planned out. I am also a tomboy, so get teased for how I dress. Everyday, I put my light hair into a tight ponytail, I wear comfortable clothes such as a t-shirt with comfy jeans and old, torn up sneakers. Not short dress and crop tops like the usual girls. Not perfectly straightened hair or a truck load of makeup. That's not me.

At school, the teachers tell you to be who you are and you won't be teased. Well that is bull. That doesn't happen. You get judged for every little thing. And I hate it.

I have no friends because hanging around a 'nerd' means you lose popularity and can't be considered popular. So technically, no one wants to hang around me, because their popularity will be at risk.

At home is even worse. After my fathers passing, my mother and sisters have been the worse to me. Worse than what they were when my father was around. They technically bully me. All my family does to me is say how bad I dress, why I always study and say I'm a nerd. My sisters pin me down and gives me a few slaps in the face or pulls my hair. The bad part about it, is that my mum encourages it.

They don't care a jot.

My mum tells me I am a mistake, a waste of space, an idiot and other very horrible words that makes me upset. But I have to stay strong.

I never had that mother-daughter relationship with my mum, because she always prevents it from happening. Alway bagging me with hateful words when I was younger about crushes, friends, or bullies. I could never trust her again.

But I always told my father about my favourite part of the day, my new friends or just something funny I saw, before he died. Now I can't do that. After he died, I used to get on my knees and pray to him. I used to talk to him about all that including how I feel now. But lately, I had nothing to talk about. Only about my depressing life. What is the point about talking about the same, old, boring thing?

If only life was better.