Hidden Under Perfection

Chapter 17:Claire

I wake up and Doran is tossing and turning, tangled up in the sheets. Worry fills my chest and I quickly pull the blankets off of him. I get out of bed and grab a wash cloth from the closet, when I come back into the room Doran has tears streaming down his cheeks. I quickly wet the wash cloth and sit on the bed next to him. With one hand I lace our hands together and with the other I wipe the layer of sweat from his forehead. I whisper soft things to him and he struggles underneath me. He starts saying my name in the most heart wrenching voice and my chest hurts.

I sit on his chest to try and get him to stop moving. Hot tears flow from my eyes at the sight of him like this. My hand starts shaking and my breath comes quicker in my chest. I push his red hair away from his face and lower my face to his. I kiss his brow softly, trying to sooth him the best I can. He thrashes against my arms and I am forced to let go of his hand. Sobs wrack my body, he is suffering and there is nothing I can do to help. I lay my body down onto his and he stops moving. I squeeze my eyes shut as a fresh wave of movement starts.

He sits up suddenly, and he opens his eyes, frantically looking around. His eyes focus on my face and his eyes search mine until he finds what he is looking for and then his shoulders slump in relief and he lets out a sigh.

"Claire," he breathes, his jaw clenches and his eyes squeeze shut. I cup his cheek with my hand and turn his face to mine. He covers my hand with his and presses his cheek into my hand. He slowly opens his eyes, worry filling them. "You were dead, and I didn't think I was ever going to see your face again; hear your heart beat in your chest, feel your hair against my hands."

"I am right here, I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I kiss away his tears as I push away his hair. "I am right here."

I take his hand and press it against my ribs, right over my heart. My heart beats faster as his palm makes contact with my skin. He looks up at me and his hazel eyes brighten with every beat of my heart. He takes my other hand and squeezes hard, I don't feel the pain. He kisses my shoulder, and his breathing calms slowly. I rub his back as warm tears flow down his cheeks. He stares into my eyes and I stare back, the love between us rising with each breath.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs.

I tilt his face up to meet mine and I kiss him sofly, my lips barely touching his. I pull away and I respond, "There is nothing to be sorry for, you are not you without all the bad things. Just remember that nightmares aren't real, but your fears are. Your fears can be overcome, they can be pushed through and they can be faced. You don't have to do that alone, let me help."

He quietly nods, afraid to talk. I pull his head down to mine and I kiss his forehead. When I go to lay down again he starts shaking his head violently and I sit back up and say, "Okay, no sleeping. Do you want to go downstairs? I can make some tea and we can watch movies, how does that sound?"

He slowly relpies, "yes, that would be nice." I look over to the clock, it reads 3:00 AM. I lead him downstairs and into the kitchen. I grab some black tea from the pantry and put on a kettle of water, while we are waiting for the water to boil he wraps his arms around my waist and presses his body to the contours of my back and rests his chin on my hair. The water gets close to a boil and I turn off the stove to prevent it from waking up the whole house. I grab two mugs and pour the hot water over the tea bags. I put two sugars in mine and Doran takes his black.

I put the kettle back onto the stove and we walk into the living room. I place the tea on the coffee table and grab the remotes. Doran lays down on the couch and I lay down on top of him placing my legs between his and my head on his chest. He turns to a channel and we watch whatever is on there, needing the distraction. His hand runs through my dark locks and his heart beat soothes me. Just then I remember that I made tea and that it is probably cold by now. I shiver in his arms, and he shifts onto his side and spoons me. His infinite warmth surrounds me and I press my body flush with his.

We are watching some CSI show when John comes down to find us snuggling on the couch. He just kinda shrugs and sits in the chair adjacent to the couch. We spend the morning like this, whenever someone comes down they take a seat and watch with us. At some point my dad makes more tea and hands everyone a cup, mine is brewed to perfection. I sit up and Doran follows, I cup the mug in both hands and take hesitant sips. The hours pass and we sit infront of the TV, to exhausted to code or work out. John gets up to make popcorn when a movie comes on.

I soon snuggle up to Doran and we sit there, our hearts beating as one, watching movies in the living room. The light outside the windows dims then turns to black. My stomach starts grumbling, so I decide to make dinner for everyone. I get up and Doran follows me to the kitchen, we pull out a frozen pizza from the freezer and after a few seconds in the microwave the smell of melted cheese and cooked sausage radiates from the machine. I take a deep breath in, relishing the scent, before grabbing a plate to put it on. I bring the pizza to the living room and take two slices before puting down the plate, the slices are gone before I sit down. I fold my slices onto each other and eat it one bite at a time.

When everyone is done I take the plate back into the kitchen and leave it in the sink. I sit back down on the couch and we watch one more movie before Lynn goes upstairs to go to bed, John leaves not long after. Around 10 my dad takes Jennifer to bed and he doesn't come back down.

I turn and face doran, one of his legs slide between mine and his lips press softly against mine, he teases my lips and leaves me wanting more. His hand fingers the hem of my shirt and I press my lips against his urging him to go on. He kisses me until I am breathless and my heart pounds against my ribs. His fingers brush the sensitive skin of my belly and goose bumps travel up my arms. His lips trace the line of my jaw and down my neck, he nips at the soft spot below my ear. I moan and he kisses my neck and my name rumbles in his throat. I bring his face up to meet mine and we share a breath, looking into each other's eyes before crashing together. His lips part mine and his tongue dances against my bottom lip. I bite his lip and he growls in response. I arch under him as moves his hand against the sensitive skin on my breast. I hear footsteps and I quickly pull away from him and look towards the stairs. I turn back towards him and he has his eyes closed, his breathing slowing down.

I kiss his forehead and his eyelids flutter open, his hazel eyes focusing on mine. I urge him off the couch and at first he resists but he knows he needs to sleep eventually. I lead him upstairs and he follows behind me, holding my hand. I open the door to his bedroom and have him sit on the bed, I go and get him fresh pants. I hand them to him and he seems to tired to notice that I am in the room with him, he drops his pants and he stands there in his boxers for a couple seconds before slipping on the new pair. I look down towards my shoulder to give him a little privacy, I look up when I hear his take off his shirt. His muscular chest and stomach make me blush but I lead him into the bathroom and hand him his toothbrush. I walk back out and change into one of his shirts, it smells like him. Doran comes out of the bathroom and takes my hand. We plop onto the bed and he lays on his back, staring at the ceiling. I lay my head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart. His breathing slows and mine soon follows. He begins to snore softly and then he falls into a restless sleep.

He tosses and turns all night, not wanting to sleep. He wakes me up and I worry that it is another nightmare, but his face is tranquil. I sleep as much as I can, and when I wake up at nine, I am unable to go back to sleep. I slip out of bed and walk quietly out of his room and down the stairs, careful not to wake him. I find my brother and dad in the kitchen, my dad hands me a cup of hot tea. I hold the mug in both hands and sip it slowly. We only have two days before my brother has to meet with the clandestine, and I don't want to waste them. My dad starts making scrambled eggs, and as if they were lured by the food, Doran and Lynn come down stairs.

My dad passes plates around and we all eat until the plates are clean. I collect all of the plates and put them in the sink. When I sit back down I tell the others what I think we should so for the next couple days, "I think that we should spend today learning and practicing self defence and fighting and tomorrow we can practice coding. Sound good?" Everyone nods and then goes to change into work out gear.

The next day Lynn teaches us a couple more moves andwe go over the ones that we had learned two days ago. After that, she pairs usup and has us practice on each other. When we come inside we are sweating andit is time for dinner. The day after that Doran, John, my dad and I all sitaround the counter and perform coding exercises. At 4:30, It is time for john to go and meetwith The Clandestine