Jc Caylen's Little Sister

14

when i woke up the next morning, kian wasn't beside me. instead, he stood in front of me with a towel hanging lowly on his hips, his hair still drenched from the shower he just took. he hadnt realized i was awake.

"i wouldn't mind waking up to that every morning," i spoke up, my voice still raspy. he turned around quickly, holding the towel up.

"stop staring, you pervert," he scolded, grabbing a pair of clothes and heading into the bathroom. he came out moments later, dressed for the day.

he laid back down beside me, his hands clasped over stomach and his dark eyelashes fanned over his cheeks. in this exact moment i realized how lucky i was. not only because of kian's handsome features, but because of the hole he seemed to fill.

maybe this whole thing happened to fast. and maybe we fell for each other too quickly. and maybe our relationship was bound to a tearful disaster. but in this moment- the moment of beauty and serenity- it didn't matter.

"hey. stop overthinking. what are you thinking about?" kian asked, draping his arm over my waist. his previously closed eyes were now fixated on mine. i shook my head.

"nothing. just thinking about you. about us," i smiled, lacing my fingers through mine. his eyes went from my eyes to our conjoined hands, and back up to my eyes.

"what about us. c'mon al, i know when you're lying to me," he replied. i suddenly became more fascinated with the purple nail polish coating my fingernails than the current conversation i was in.

"kian, it's nothing. i'm just gonna go take a shower, okay?" i quickly got out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. i had barely shut the door when it opened back up.

kian stood in front of me. his hair was disheveled and his lips slightly parted. i knew i was in love with him, but i knew that him and i were incompatible. who i was and who kian was just didn't match up.

"i'm not letting you walk away from me upset. i know it's about me, and i know you don't want to talk about it. but i want to talk about it. i need to know," he pleaded. i shook my head, wiping away the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.

"no matter how much i want us to work out, we never will. i will always be the broken girl, who got abducted, and raped, and abused. and you will always be the famous teenage hottie with so much potential," i whispered. kian's full attention was on me.

"why do you think i want us to work so badly, alli?" he questioned. i didn't bother to wipe away any of my tears.

"so, i was just some charity case to you? let me help out the broken girl, try to make her feel better. you wanted to play therapist for a while, right? i was nothing to you. well, news flash kian. i don't need any of your damn hand outs." i pushed past him, and ran into my room. i slammed the door, locking it behind me.

i sat down, my back straight against the door. with what just happened and being back in this room made my chest tighten. and suddenly, i couldn't breathe. except it was worse than right before i crashed in the hospital. this time, i felt my heart shattering. and it hurt even more than when everything went black.

i noticed the tiniest details about the room around me. the small traces of blood still stained on the floor. the broken mirror in the bathroom. the small indentation in the wall. and then i remembered that i was never special to anyone. i was always just the space to fill a void. for dylan it was sex. parker was agression. for my former parents it was their loss of a child. and now i was kian's charity case. i was never special to anyone.

i was gasping for air, but it felt glorious. i hate to say that the feeling of slowly dying felt good, but it did. it felt like a release for all the pain i've had in my life. and a solution to the pain i would feel in the future.

and in that moment, i thought i knew what i had to do. i thought it was the right thing to do. i thought it would end all of my current and future suffering. so i grabbed the slender orange bottle from my bathroom sink, and slowly took one. and then two, and suddenly the bottle was gone.

and i felt no regret. no sadness. i felt numb. i'm not sure why i did it or what i was thinking, but i did it. and i felt happy, like the weight that was constantly on my shoulders had been lifted.

and then the euphoria evaporated and i felt light headed and dizzy. and then i hit the ground, the empty bottle of pills hit the ground.

there would be no more alli to abuse or rape or bully. but, there was also no more alli to love or laugh or smile with. and i should have been happy but i felt a little bit of guilt. but it went away when my body started to go numb.

the door slammed open, with jc and all of the guys on the other side. connor grabbed his phone and called 911, while jc propped my head in his lap. he was crying, kian was crying, and everyone was crying. except me.

"alli, you were never my charity case. i never wanted to give you any handouts. you were the girl who was sad, and i wanted to make you happy. but i wanted to be the reason you were happy. i wanted you. i wanted you and your beautiful smile, contagious laugh, curly hair and all. it was always you," he cried.

i nodded, mustering up as much strength as i could and cuddled closer to jc. i caused way more trouble than i was worth. and maybe, just maybe, this house would benefit from my absence.

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