Pendulum

Fifteen

Noor

"I can't see anything, Noor."

She had whispered this to herself, before finding her voice and speaking louder, her voice breaking as tears rolled down her cheeks. His heart had split into two at the vulnerability he saw in her eyes and felt in her voice. He knew this was wrong, he knew he should not want to touch her, but he wanted to hold her face between his hands, to will the pain away - even to brush his lips across her skin. His resolve was shot to hell the moment she whimpered, his hands moulding themselves around her face. "What do you see?"

She extended a shaky hand to his face, and he felt his heart stop for an instant. She trailed her fingers down a lock of his hair and his heart had miraculously sewn itself up and filled his chest with more air than was necessary or possible. "I can see the outline of you, like a silhouette. I can't see anything except for shadows and figures." He nodded, even though she wouldn't have seen that, wiping the tears from her cheeks. His fingers yearned to trace the shape of her lips, to follow the dip of her cupid's bow before replacing his fingers with his lips. She took in a sudden breath, sensing the tense silence between them, and he was brought out of his reverie, like a slap to the face.

"Firdaus, I am going to carry you to the bed now, ok?" She nodded slowly, and he gently extracted his hands from her face, a feat he found almost impossible to accomplish, but his arms wrapped around her before he lifted her off the ground. She curled herself into his embrace and he was certain he wouldn't be able to let go of her, but he had promised her and he had to help her. He moved to sit on the chair next to the bed, silently watching her with concern, when he realised she seemed to be looking frantically for something. He got up, ready to move to the door and fetch her anything she needed. Anything, but that husband of hers. "Noor?" her voice rang out in panic and his heart stopped for the second time that day. She was looking for him - not for anyone else. She wanted him. He touched the tip of her nose with a finger and a wide smile on his face. "I'm here."

She sighed in relief, and Noor was close to tears at the realisation that she trusted him enough to want him to stay with her through this ordeal. "I don't know how this happened," she cried. He moved from his seat to pull his fingers through her hair, marvelling at its softness and beauty as he built the courage to apologise to her. "It's ok, I'm so sorry about what I'd said earlier. I wasn't - I wasn't thinking right and I shouldn't have hurt you." She nodded and started to say something, before hesitating. There was a pucker between her brows as she thought before she turned in his direction. "Please stay with me."

His heart squeezed as he yearned to tell her that she'd have to kill him before asking him to do otherwise. "Always, Firdaus."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He threaded his fingers through hers, and she squeezed his hand before falling asleep. He studied her face, watching her lips quiver before tears leaked out of her eyes. He reached out to brush the tears away, caressing her face and singing to her. He'd spent the past night watching over her, and he was exhausted - so he held on tight to her hand and closed his eyes and surrendered himself to sleep. 

He dreamt of her, he dreamt of a time where he had all of her, mind and soul. She would run her fingers through his hair and let him kiss away the pain she had. He would fall asleep to her voice and wake up to her beautiful eyes staring right back at him with nothing but love in them. He dreamt of a time where he could lose himself in her her eyes that were the warm chocolate he imagined them to look like when she was in love. When she looked at him now, there was fear and apprehension, hardening any softness her eyes had when he first met her. She had looked at her husband like that, said the voices.

He felt fingers graze his knuckles, slowly prying his hand off Firdaus's and he frowned. Someone was trying to separate them, and he wasn't ready to let that happen. His eyes opened as he prepared to fight anyone who wanted to take her away from him, before resting his eyes on her. She was staring right back at him, her eyes clear and back to their original shade of brown. This brown was molten as if someone had cracked open the hardness that filled her eyes. She was looking right back at him, and he realised that she could see him. It could have been the stupor he still felt from a disturbed slumber, but he didn't give a thought to anything before pulling her into his arms. She squirmed, but he held on tight, just relieved that she was no longer in pain and misery. She was alright.

"You're ok," he breathed.

She chuckled, a small and brief one, "I'm ok, Noor."

He pulled back to look at her and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you." He cupped her cheek and smiled, watching her eyes go wide in shock before cracking a small smile. 

"I love you, Firdaus."