I've been attacked, but not in the way you're thinking. I was never hit, or kicked or punched. I was never verbally abused. Nobody's ever said anything that has overly affected me. I was attacked, not by another person, but by my anxiety.
Anxiety is like a little monster. It comes at me at even the smallest of things. It claws at my eyes, churns my hands and nibbles away at my sanity. Each day I try to ignore it but I can always feel it there. Poking me, prodding me over the edge. Sometimes it's just stupid things; being first in line, needing to get up to go to the bathroom but not wanting draw attention to myself, even sneezing in class, I know everyone is going to turn around, stare at me, make me feel alienated in my own seat and I never really knew how to deal with it. So when they invited me to come to the mall with them, I didn't know what to say. Okay? I commit myself to something I don't want to do and before I know it I'm there. I'm sitting at a table in the food court with one of my friends, their friend, and someone I had only ever met on Instagram. Heart pounding, breaths being choked in and out; I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and lock myself into one of the stalls. I don't know what's happening anymore. Tears fall from my wet cheeks land on the tile floor. The silent bathroom consumed by only my heavy breathing. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. I take a deep breath, and hold it, letting it out slowly I wipe my face with my sweater sleeve and go to wash my hands. I splash cool water over my face, and try it with brown a paper towel. Smile. I look at myself in the mirror; red, damp face, watery eyes, and... a smile. I take another deep breath and relax. I hadn't realized how tense I was. I stride from the bathroom, sit down with my friends and try to have a good time. I passed this attack but this is only the start, little did I know that they would get worse and worse until I told somebody. I found resources and techniques to calm myself, and while I may not be completely better, I'm better. I no longer need to be silent when I am attacked, I finally have a voice, and I know how to manage.
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