Dead Leaves (BTS Fanfic) #Wattys2017

Chapter Ten | Blast From the Past

I'm just walking and walking, among this darkness

My happiness asked me this question

You, are you really okay? it asked me

~

I replied, no, I'm so afraid

JIN AWAKE

10/18 9:03 AM

It was the usual at work, simply serve costumers and take care of things. It was droning on and on, simply filling up hours in the weekend in order to make money for my family. In a legal way at least. The bell rings, and this time I'm surprised to see a familiar face from school.

It was none other than the boy I gave my virginity to.

Yes, you heard that right.

I shuddered when I saw him, wanting to curl up in a hole and die. It was a huge mistake on my part, really. I never should've done it, and I've got no one to blame but myself.

He was pressed against me, his chest against my pounding heart as he kissed me deeper, his tongue seemingly trying to dance with mine. It simply resulted in a sloppy kiss, and my gasps seemed to be encouraging him.

His hand was in the band of my underwear, slipping down. My breath hitched, and I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to believe I enjoyed this. He broke away, his hand traveling down further. "Can I?" he asks, at least asking me for my permission.

I was hesitant.

"I promise I'll make it worth your while," he purrs, his voice seductive and smooth. "I'll make you feel cared for, make you forget. That's what you want, right?"

What I needed was a distraction, and he was just that. Nothing more than a distraction. His digits slipped in, and I threw my head back at the unfamiliar feeling. When I first learned how people made love, I assumed I'd give my first to someone I loved. I couldn't have been more wrong.

My breath was frantic, my chest rising up and down as I struggled to control my breathing with his fast pace. True to his word, he made me forget. Of course, only temporarily. But that was all I needed at that moment as he hovered above me, placing meaningless kisses on my jaw.

Sure, there was some pain, but I think it was more of an emotional thing rather than physical. I'd grip onto the sheets as he moved faster, and once he was done he pulled on his jeans, threw on a shirt, and left. I lied there, feeling dirty and used. But I used him, that was what he promised. He fulfilled his promise at least. 

For the rest of high school, he didn't so much as look in my direction. No words, no glances, nada. I was mildly surprised he didn't tell the entire school that he took poor-bitch's virginity. Then again, why would he? Anyone would be ashamed to look at me in that way. 

Hell, it had been a year ago when the incident happened. When he courted me behind the school saying I didn't seem all that bad or as disgusting as the others interpreted me. Instead, he promised he'd give me something to take the burdens off my shoulders for a while. At first, I assumed it was a form of weed, but I was surprised with his other solution to my 'little problems'.

"Hey," he said, a casual expression on his face. My mind flashed to when he finished that fateful night. Man, was that face burned into my memory. He makes his order as I silently write it down, giving it to the cook. I was surprised that he didn't sit down.