Poetry For Us 'Different' People

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She closes her eyes softly, her eyelashes moist from the tears she's been holding all day. People are scared, even worried about her. She doesn't notice this, she just pays attention to the holes in her heart and sanity. She won't let you see her break, she has to be strong for others. People won't listen to her, yet she listens to everyone. Her heart hurts, her shoulders tense, and her thighs ache from all the cuts. Every night she tosses in her bed, scared to close those bloodshot eyes. She wakes up, trying to pull up the strength to get up. She's hurt and tired, mentally. But everyday she walks with a huge smile cause that's just who she is; the girl with a big smile and happy eyes. Sure, she's smiling but don't let that fool you. Look into her mind and you'll see that she's trying so hard not to break. Her eyes trail to the other girls, her hands trembling, she sees beauty in everything else but herself. There are times she tries to convince herself that it doesn't bother her, yet in the end she always knows it's killing her. She gulps, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. It makes her uncomfortable because she knows she's still alive. Her hands grip tighter and tighter as she feels herself losing it. She covers her mouth, a panic attack rising. Her knees hit the soft carpet as she starts to crawl at a certain pace. The tears rush down her face, she can't control this anymore. She lets the anxiety take over because she's so tired of this. Her fists hit the ground as she realizes she is losing this war and that her emotions are taking over once again. She falls asleep on the floor, after an hour of crying. Her dreams wake her up about 4 times throughout the night, but she's used to it. She wakes up once again, her eyes tearing up because of the nightmares. Minutes pass as she lays there thinking if she really wants to continue doing this. She gets ready for the day, and looks into the mirror one last time. Her heart drops as she says, "I'm not as strong anymore."