Runaway Girl {A Twilight Love Story}

In Every Lover's Name

Get me out of this place, before I cause more damage,
a small price to pay for building houses out of matchsticks;
and when things get too hot, you've got me to blame for,
every fire that breaks out in every lover's name

I had a bad feeling. Something was nagging on my conscience. All my lies and broken promises were loud in the car as I drove down the highway. My mind was far away from Edward and away from any dream I had to create a new life. I knew the truth and I knew I was just as culpable as anyone. Edward may never know the truth, but I sure as shit did.

February 2005

As I placed my truck into park, I realized that I didn't remember any part of my drive down to Hoquiam. I had driven over a hundred miles, one handed, in a confused stupor. It was happening more and more often lately. I would begin to do something and then the truth would come crashing through me. Pregnant, pregnant, miracle of life, life. What life did I have to offer? It had been over a month since that day with Jacob. Four long weeks, since I found out I was pregnant. I had so many opportunities to tell Riley and yet the words wouldn't come. Sitting across from him on the couch as he watched the Seahawks on TV; I'd stare over the top of my book and open my mouth to blurt it out and the words would freeze in my mouth, an icy truth that burnt my tongue. I would practice in front of the mirror. 'Riley, I'm pregnant' I'd mime with a large smile. 'Isn't that fantastic?'

Every time my face would fall. Even when I was the only one hearing the words I had a sense that it would not be fantastic. How else could he react? We were kids—stupid, reckless and mercurial—that didn't know the first thing about raising a child.

I honestly didn't even know Riley. He drank a lot, smoked pot everyday when he woke up—his three foot bong 'little Mary' sitting in its distinguished place to the left of his night stand. He ate Easy Mac almost every day for lunch and wore only sandals, even in the winter. I didn't know his family, I didn't know more than the fact that his mom had ran off when he was kid. "She was a heinous bitch who ruined my life, Bella." His eyes clouded over and he sneered at me. "That's all you need to know."

Case closed.

I was almost twelve weeks by now— I knew I had limited my choices and yet I still couldn't bring myself to face the truth. My belly was still flat. It wouldn't be noticeable until I was a little farther along. I just wore a rubber band around my tightest jeans shirts and complained about eating too much. I wanted to tell Riley but no time seemed right.

Hell, the time wasn't right to have a baby. I still lived at home with my alcoholic father; I barely finished high school because of my extensive partying. I drank and used drugs all the time. Riley and I were so young. How would he react to the news? We hadn't even talked about having children yet. Now it was decided for us. I squinted at his beat up car parked across the lot. We didn't even have a reliable vehicle. We didn't have a decent place to live. Neither one of us had a job; unless you counted Riley selling pot sometimes. What kind of parents would we hope to be? A mother at nineteen? Just like my mother. I chuckled at the irony. What are the chances that after all this time I was destined to repeat my mother's life? Marry a man I hardly knew. Have a baby before I could even legally drink. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breath. I could do this. I could be a mother. My mom was young but I'm sure things would have been different if she had just stayed with Charlie. I bet everything would have different. Riley and I could figure it out. We'd stop using, stop drinking. We could find a place in between Forks and Hoquiam. Maybe Charlie would finally go to that treatment facility, I looked up for him. We could make a family. I could picture it. We would have a small home with yellow curtains and a flower bed in the front. A small swing set in the back yard where we could push our son or daughter. A minivan in the driveway. Riley could take some courses at the community college or maybe get a job working in construction. I would look for a job, maybe a waitress? I could picture myself in an apron taking peoples orders. It wasn't so farfetched. We could build a life for our child. A happy life, a life full of love, a safe life...