Unfamiliar feelings

What are we?

Kensis POV

Mine and Deeks undercover op was finsished, and to be honest, I'm going to miss it. We have become so close, closer than I am with anyone else. When jack left I doubled the walls I had around my heart, to scared of being abandoned, but Deeks he knocked down every single wall, one by one, and holding a key only he could use. I mean we aren't normal in the slightest, but there's so many protocols that we can break. We are all sat in the bullpen getting ready to leave when Deeks says, "we only have one car, so dya wanna come round for a movie and beers?" "Yeah sure" I tell him. Hetty comes in and congratulates us for a job well done, but at the ends she adds 'in your own beds', the talk of unfamiliar feelings kept ringing around in my head. Surely if it's only natural then no one can blame us? But for years me and Deeks have denied our 'thing'. I mean, yes, I have Callen and Sam as partners but there's like my big brothers, Eric is like my little brother, nells like a sister to me and my best friend, that's apart from Deeks of course. But what is Deeks to me a extremely close friend, or a soulmate?

I drove Deeks and I back to his place, he jumped into the shower upstairs and I went downstairs, almost an hour later we were both changed into comfy clothes and lying on his sofa watching a film, I'm not paying that much attention to it though. 'Kensalina' Deeks snaps me out of my trance. 'Ye?' I ask him.
'I said it's been a long few weeks hasn't it?' He responds
'Ye, I guess so... what do you think Sam meant when he said don't get use to it?'
'Honestly I don't know, but all I know is that we are not normal' he says focussing his attention on me. 'And I also no that we aren't just partners any more.' He adds filled with confusion.
'What do you mean' I ask him, begging for him to elaborate.
'Well I'm pretty sure Callen and Sam don't do this' Deeks chuckles dryly, referring to the way where lying on the sofa. He was lying on his back with me to the side of him, my head on his chest, our legs intertwined.
'That would be extremely weird' I laugh. 'Deeks.. what are we?' I ask him full of hope and possibly doubt as I don't know if I'll  like  the answer I'm given.
'Honestly kens, I have no idea. But one thing I know for sure is that, you mean way to much to me for me to screw everything up. Your my best friend and the best thing that's happened to me in a damn long time. And the only person I whole heartedly trust and I know I'm yours. But there's rules and regulations in place to stop things like this happening for a reason. What if we decide to have a relationship and have a nasty break up and the whole team falls apart because I can't keep control of my feelings.' Deeks says. I look into his mismatched eyes and see a mixture of sadness, longing and most of all love..
'I-I'm sorry' is all I can say before leaving Deeks house, I jump in my car and head to the beach it always will calm me down, what have I just done?..

The tears continue to roll down my face as I sit facing the sea. My best friend, my partner, the person I love most in the world, has just came forward and told me everything I want to hear and what did I do? I fucking ran away and left him there. I'm so confused right now, I just want him to hug me and say everything alright, but instead everything's been fucked up majorly. I drive my self home and go to bed. Crying myself to sleep till 3 am at least.

A/n hope you like it xx