I'm sitting here, on the ice cold bathroom floor, staring at the toilet in front of me. What have I become?
"Shut up! Just do it already! You're so fat, Maddie! Do it! Don't you want to be skinny like me?", Mia screamed in my head. I felt the tears roll down my cheek, as I became numb. I didn't want this. Yet, I still do it.
I toke a glance to the door, then back to the toilet. I do want to be skinny. There's only one thing left to do, I told myself.
I sat there, purging for a good 15 minutes, while the bathroom water ran so it would drown out the sound of my silent screams.
I got up and washed my face and turned off the light and walked in my room. I stayed up all night, watching the ceiling and listening to the voices in my head. My eyes were watering up, I couldn't help myself. My stomach was growling but I told my self that if I eat it'll only make me fatter.
I must have fallen asleep through all the crying, because I woke up to my alarm clock blaring in my ear. I hit the snooze button, while my eyes were still closed. Then, I sat up and rubbed my eyes open and felt the dry tears on my rosy cheeks.
I quickly got dressed, wearing baggy sweat pants and an over sized sweat shirt. I wear them everyday to cover up my ugly fat.
I drove myself to school and sat alone at the lunch room table, waiting for first bell to ring so I could go to my class. My stomach was growling at me to eat something--anything. I bite my lip as I watched people walk by with trays of food. They were serving bacon and eggs for breakfast. The smell was intoxicating, like heaven.
"Don't even think about it!", Ana screamed in my head, "Remember you have to be skinny so you can be beautiful."
How about I eat and then just go in the bathroom and purge a little? It doesn't sound that bad.
I went through the breakfast line and got a tray full of bacon and eggs. I took a big whiff of it and my stomach growled loudly. A girl behind me heard it and stared at me in a wild expression. I quickly walked away and sat down to eat, but as I sat down to eat, the girl that heard my stomach growl sat down beside me.
"Hey. My name is Claire.", she said, smiling at me. I was astonished by the weird friendliness, but I knew if I told her to leave it might make her upset.
"Hey, uh, my name is Maddie." I said, giving her a fake smile.
"Mind if I sit with you?", she asked very politely.
"No, no, go right ahead.", I replied, gesturing to the seat beside me.
She sat down, not breaking her stunning smile. She was pretty. Why is a pretty girl sitting beside a weirdo like me? Don't pretty girl have like a clan they always hang around?
"I see you around the school a lot.", she said. She does? Wouldn't she be with the group of pretty girls that always bully me then? Yet, I don't think I've ever seen her face.
"Don't think I'm a stalker or anything, though", she said laughing, "I see how people treat you, though, and it isn't right. You are a very beautiful girl and no one should ever be treated like that."
Wow! Did she really just call me beautiful? I've never heard anyone call me beautiful before.
"I'm not beautiful..", I mumbled under my breathe.
"Yes you are. Your thin, your skin is flawless. Your hair is like a long sea of brown curls cascading down your back.", she said sounding like she was quoting something out of a book.
I've never, in all my years, ever heard someone say anything like that about me.
"Ha ha ha! Do you really think this girl is beautiful?", a girl behind us said, laughing.
Me and Claire looked back at the same time, and there stood the whole little mean girl clan.
"Yes, I really do.", Claire said matter-of-factly.
"Ha! You think you're cute, don't you? Standing up to this piece of ugly trash.
"God made us all equally. He made us all beautiful.", Claire said in a sweet tone, kind of like she was singing it. I looked at Claire and felt my mouth drop. I've never heard anyone talk about a 'God' before. It was strange, but the way she was saying this made me more interested to learn more.
"What 'God' are you praising?", the other girl said, chuckling along with the other girls behind her.
"The one and only God. The God that sent his son to die for our sins. The one that created us and knows everything about us from how many hairs that are on our head, to the number of fingers on our hands.", Claire said. I just sat there, astonished by what she was talking about. I knew she wasn't lying, because who would lie about something that powerful?
"Ha! You think your God is strong, don't you?", the girl said.
"He is strong. He is the most powerful man, but no one can see him. He is everything. Don't worry, he'll forgive you, though. He forgives all.", Claire said.
"Wow, you think your actually making a difference, don't you.", the girl spat.
"It's worth a try, but if you don't want to listen, I understand. I just hope that you find God before you die, otherwise you will rot in hell for eternity.", Claire said straight forward.
"You think that's going to scare me?", the other girl said.
"Maybe not now, but don't say I haven't warned you.", Claire said.
"Wow, you're messed up if you think your God is going to save you. Let's go girls.", she said waving off her hand.
"I want to stay and hear more about this God.", one girl said.
"Me too.", another one said.
Before I knew it there were a bunch more "me too"'s being said. I looked at Claire, who had a wide smile on her face.
"Ugh! Fine, fill your head with a bunch of bull crap for all I care.", the girl said and stormed off in a huff.
There were even bystanders who stayed and listened to Claire talk on and on and this God person.
That day I learned that I am not ugly, or fat, or any of these stereotypes society wants to label people.
I am the daughter of the one true King.
***
After that day, the voices in Maddie's head, Mia and Ana, went away, and Maddie and Claire started a new missionary group. That day in the school cafeteria also changed many of the students life, and soon some of the girls got through to the girl that wouldn't listen to Claire, and she got saved also.
One little thing like this could save someone life, maybe even a million lives.
Live life like everyday makes a difference, because it does.
