A Crazy Thing Called Love (Phan/KickTheStickz)

Chapter 1 Pt 1

::Dan's Intro::

Life is so hard. Why... why did I have to fall in love with someone who I will never, get a chance with. It hurts.

It hurts watch my love, give all of his love to someone else.

You heard me right.

His. He. Him.

My name is Daniel Howell, and I am so, so badly in love with Philip Lester, my best friend.

My best friend, who I live with. Which makes it worse for me.

I know what you're thinking, 'But Dan, you LIVE with your CRUSH!? How can that be bad!?'

First of all, He isn't my 'crush'. No. He is so much more to me than that. He is my True Love, my Passion, my Soulmate,

My reason to be alive.

Secondly, it is bad... having to control myself, not to pounce on him and kiss him. Not to mention, every other night, he comes home with his girlfriend and I am forced to hear the sounds of their moans of pleasure, coming from within Phil's bedroom. Usually, I just sit in my bedroom, and shove my earphones deep into my ears, and play Muse or Panic!At The Disco, to block out the taunting screams of lust, desire, and the one that haunts me the most, love.

I'll tell you a bit about myself, not that you want to know, anyway.

Well, where do I begin? I was raised by my wealthy, snobby parents... who also happen to be extremely homophobic. They beat me everyday after I came out to them when I was 16. Which I still don't know why I did, when I was growing up they always took me to Church on Sundays and after we would say our prayers, my mother and father would always say, 'And Dear God, may all of the disgusting faggots go to hell and be punished for eternity' Extremely over the top. I would never repeat those cruel words, spoken by my cruel parents. For two years, continues abuse, all for my sexual orientation.

Horrifying.

But then I met Phil, we started Skyping at first, then eventually, we met in person. He introduced me to his, extremely funny friends, Chris and PJ. Phil persuaded me to start a Youtube channel, which I named 'danisnotonfire' (don't ask), i was convinced i wouldn't get any views or subscribers, but I was wrong. All i did was sit and talk to a camera, about crazy shit, that i thought most people didn't give a fuck about, but people thought I was funny, for some reason, and I began to get more and more popular, until I had more subscribers than Phil, which I didn't deserve at all. Don't get me wrong, Youtube is one of the best jobs you can get! Me, Phil, Chris and PJ became the 'Fantastic Foursome', but then everyone started 'shipping' me and Phil, to get the name 'Phan'. I would search '#phan' on tumblr, to see all the cute edits people made of us. But it all brought me was pain, knowing that me and Phil never be together. In fact, the whole 'phan' thing, brought me sadness, people pointing out the love that obviously shows in my eyes whenever I look at him, the fact that whenever someone asks if 'phan' is real we have to say no, because it's the truth.

The stupid, motherfucking, back-stabbing Truth.

Everyone but Phil, can probably see my love for him, people say it's obvious, but people say its obvious that he loves me too.

I was cutting, until Chris found me with the deadly, yet satisfying, blade to my torn wrist. I begged for him not to say anything to anyone, especially Phil. He agreed but he reasoned with me the fact that I needed help. He took me to a doctor person, who helped me alot, I told him about Phil, how I loved him and how he's straight, and in love with someone else. He was so kind and caring, Dr.William, poor chap, he got run over by a truck, a couple days after I didn't need to see him anymore. He died.

Chris was the second one I told about my love of Phil. To my surprise, he was shocked. I expected him to say something like, 'I know, it's kind've obvious', but he didn't, and I was glad. I wasn't worried about him not accepting me as gay, since I had come out ages ago, not to my subscribers, but to my friends. And the people who didn't except me, were never my friends in the first place, so I just shut them out.

When I did come out though, there was one person, who said they didn't mind my orientation, yet, something in their eyes, was telling me they were lying.

That person was Phil's girlfriend.

Phil's girlfriend, Carrie.