A Crazy Thing Called Love (Phan/KickTheStickz)

Chapter 1 Pt 4

::PJ's intro::

He's adorable, loveable, kind, funny.

But I can't treat him like that.

I have to treat him like shit.

I have to.

He thinks I hate him.

Lies.

He thinks I come home and fuck a girl every night.

Lies.

He thinks I wish I had never met him.

Lies.

Hi, I'm PJ, and I have to pretend to hate the guy I love.

I have to pretend to hate him, but in public, pretend to be friends with him, while pretending I hate him.

It's complicated.

Yes so, as you have probably, already guessed, I love my roommate, Chris.

But that's the thing... I can't love him.

I can't love Chris, because of 'That guy'.

I'm just going to name him as 'That guy', at the moment, you will probably, soon find out his identity, but not just yet.

'That guy', raised me. He raised me to believe, being gay, is wrong, which it is not. He raised me to insult every gay man or boy, I see, I can't. And I am still in touch with, 'That guy', he knows I have a huge crush on Chris, so he makes me be horrible to him, so I have no chance with Chris at all.

For my enjoyment, me and Chris' fans, started shipping us, meaning they want us to be in a relationship, and I do to, but I can never show that.

'That guy' is one of the people who reply to comments related to KickTheStickz, which is me and Chris' 'ship' name, saying things like,

'OMG. THEY HAVE BOTH SAID THEY R STRAIGHT. R U FUKIN DEAF? OR BLIND?! THEY OBVS DONT LIKE EACHOTHER LIKE THAT, SO STOP DREAMING, BITCH.'

If only they knew.

I have to tell Chris, that I don't mean any of this, but I don't know when to. 'That guy' watches me every second, and he can't know that I want to tell Chris.

One day, in the future.

I promise myself, before the end of the month, I will tell him.

Anyway, I do have other friends, like Dan and Phil, they are roommates, as well, except they treat eachother, nicely. People ship them, as well, more people ship them, than me and Chris, even though, Phil is dating Carrie. Personally, I don't really like, Carrie. She seemed to have a problem with Dan, when he came out, and anyone who is weird towards my friends, I don't like. Excluding me and Chris.

Phil and Carrie have the most beautiful relationship though, and Dan often leaves when Phil returns with Carri- OH MY GOD! Could Dan-? No.. He couldn't! Not Phil... right? I mean, he is gay... Oh my god, Dan likes Phil! I won't confront him about it, though, maybe I will ask Chris if he knows anything.... and if he doesn't tell me, it will probably end up in fighting, verbally, again... *sigh* I guess, sometimes it is bad that I can just read him like a book.

Is it weird that sometimes, I watch him sleep? Probably... Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with me? I just can't continue, mentally hurting him. It crushes me, as well as him.

Soon.

I swear.