Torn Apart

I'll Know My Name When It's Called

Dulcie kept her arms tight around the empty neck hole as Lewis careened through the maze, knocking over a woman with vines for hair and bark for skin. She burst into a cloud of dust and Lewis ran faster. He rounded a corner, bowling through half a dozen goat men that each disintegrated.

He let out a wail and the locket flashed red-hot against her chest. She shrieked and Lewis stopped so quickly she almost flew out of his arms.

She scrabbled at the locket, pulling it off and holding it away from her skin by the chain.

"Gods, Dulcie, I'm sorry! Are you okay? I..." Lewis set her down, backing away, his huge fingers raking through hair that wasn't really there. "I didn't mean it, I can't always keep it... I'm..."

Dulcie stood in front of him, looking up at the fiery skull and the funeral suit. She sucked in her lower lip, biting it to keep it still.

"Oh please don't cry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you!"

She opened her mouth, two tiny words tumbling out.

He leaned forward, only slightly. "What?"

"I'm sorry."

Bewildered, Lewis raked his fingers over his skull again. "Don't, Dulcie, why are you apologizing? I have to be more careful. I won't panic again, I swear... I'll try. Let's just try and find a safe-"

"Mom won't say it so I gotta."

Lewis took a step back.

"You could be alive if you weren't my brother." Dulcie swiped her arm across her nose hard. "You could've been someone else's brother and stayed alive. You should've. It's not okay."

"Dulcie-"

"It's not okay!" she yelled. "It's not okay what happened and it's not okay that you had to do everything you were told with us and now you're scared after you're dead and you don't even get to rest or be with Vivi like you want to and it's our fault too and I'm sorry for all of us!"

Lewis stared down at her, and she willed herself to keep her chin up, meeting him eye to eye. Nobody else had apologized but Arthur, and it wasn't even his fault. She would apologize for them. And maybe Lewis would walk off and leave her, but she had to say it.

"When did you get so angry?" he asked, softly.

Dulcie didn't have an answer.

He lifted her into his arms again. He'd begun to look a little more like himself now, with skin and nose and lips, and his hollowed out eyes were heavy and sad. "You said it earlier, Dulcie. It was Demeter. Her and the Shiker. Never you or Aji or-" He paused for a moment, and his mouth pulled in strange ways before he managed, "-or Kay. Or Dad. And Mom..." the locket thudded, swinging at the end of the chain in her hand. "Mom didn't... know what to do. I think she gave up."

"You didn't." It was like a coal burning in the pit of her stomach. "Arthur didn't. Vivi didn't. Even Kay didn't, and Aji went swinging. Mom gave up." Each word tasted like a different poison.

Lewis' head swiveled around, taking in the maze around him. "Yeah. She gave up. But I really get why she didn't want you here, now. If she knew Demeter, she probably had seen this place in action herself."

Dulcie ground her forehead against his shoulder, her brow furrowed hard. "It's not fair. None of it."

One of her pigtails was jerked, but not too hard. "Hey. I know that better than anyone. But we've got what we've got, and right now that's a fighting shot. Let's try to keep what we've got, okay?" He began walking again. "And, for the record? I'm not sorry I got to be part of this family. Not at all."