Reflections (Jalex)

Chapter 1

Alex's POV

You'd very rarely find me awake and ready at 7am, even on a college day but whatever, I'm a guy anyway so it's pretty typical. Although I really wasn't like everyone else at all but that was another story and I certianly won't be telling it now on moving day. My chance to start again as my Mother would say everytime we'd move even if it was just a block or two. But I can assure you moving in a  student apartment with Zack was going to be perfect. He's been my best friend since I can remember even walking and there was no chance in hell I was going to miss this. I was stopped in my trail of thoughts as I was shouted downstairs by my Dad. Yes I have both my parents and they're in love. That word made me feel sick to the stomach. Commitment was on of my biggest fears because we all know what that leads to, heartbreak, rejection, insecurity. Oh, I should of just said three words to describe myself. "Alex! If you don't hurry up you're not moving out," Wouldn't that be a shame? "As much as I'm sure you'd love that deep down we have to get a move on! Your mother's waiting!" Of course, I could never keep mother dearest waiting. I swear to god people in this house thought she was the only one who was affected by what happened with Tom. Well seen as I'm telling you everything else here goes. My brother is, was, the greatest person ever. He had friends all over the place and as great as that sounds it wasn't all that great once he began to fall out with them which of course meant we got more time to bond seen as we never had that much when he'd go out or they'd be round. But not long after the last fall out he had, he didn't come home. I thought he'd be back and just stayed at one of his friends because he had so many, you see no one ever knew he was falling apart inside because he looked so happy on the outside. He always said I should smile through everything because he wouldn't always be here. Sure I mean no one lives forever, right? You can't stop death. It's a part of life. But no one ever expected him to go as soon as he did. It affected me the most, I knew it. I didn't know why I mean sure you'd be pretty messed up after your elder sibling dies but it should of hit mum the most. Which of course at the time it did because I couldn't belive it. I refused to for a few days. Those few days turned to weeks which turned to months which, left us here. This state of mind whatever it was. But I knew when mom would sit there for hours crying everynight, It couldn't be because of Tom.

Anyway. Another area of town, another home, another accident waiting to happen with me around. I was surprised Zee hadn't just uped and moved without me by now. Why was I so damn important to him. God dammit Alex you twat, you're his only childhood friend left of  course he wants to look after you. The car pulled up outside a big block of apartments, when I say big I mean big. I wasn't sure why but something creeped me out.about the woods accross from us in our direct view. A sick one in my gut that maybe just maybe this wouldn't turn out as bad as I'd been thinking for god knows how long. "Lex! take your boxes and pick a room. I'll do the rest with my guns." Zack flexed which caused my mother smiled before kissing my cheek and handing me my boxes. I stumbled up the staircase, not wanting to break my vinyls or CD's. I hated plain walls they always reminded me of hospitals, I hated those aswell. I hate almost everything, of course including myself I mean have you seen me? Well no you haven't but my eyes were bloodshot and dark circles surrounding my swollen eye lids. My hair, what even is it? It seriously needs cutting. I was tubby, not the cute tubby the I'm absolutely hidious kind of tubby. I set myself down on the floor, analysing every part of 'my room' I'd said that about so many different rooms these past years but now, it felt right. Did I really just say that? Yeah. You see I'd always been too attached to places, lets not even get me started on people, so  I keep myself to myself and it's always been that way and it always will be.

Spending all day in my room I hadn't even caught track on time and now it's 10pm. I hadn't heard my Zack yelling "Night!" so no I didn't respond but he probably thought I was sleep anyways, I loved sleep. Just sleep Alex. I can't because I'll dream about hot guys and then wake up in a state again. Stop talking to yourself and get your fatass to sleep. 

I'd always argue with myself, there was never really anyone else to talk to to keep me from going insane anyway so it didn't surprise me.

So! Re-writing this is going to be a bitch but I hope you guys prefer it because I think I will c: