Heart Beat // adopted by Demi Lovato

(4)

                       Numb. That's all I felt. Not that type of numb where you are so sad that you can't feel anything. Numb as in not feeling the least bit sorry about what had just happened. I have absolutely no emotion towards this situation.
           "Hey sweet heart. You must be Kendall." A very nice detective lady told me.
I didn't say anything. Just stared at her.
"My name is Demi. I am here to take you to the station. Can you come with me?" I hesitated to go to her for a second, but then decided that nothing is worse than what my father did to me. When he was still alive.

                   After he raped me, once again, he went upstairs and I guess killed himself. I didn't even know he had a gun but that's what he killed himself with. I should be atleast alittle sad that he's dead. But I'm not. I think it's more of a relieved feeling than anything. Relieved that I won't get raped by him anymore, relieved that I can finally get out of this damn house where all of the bad memories are held, and relieved that I don't have to be scared whenever i come home.

              After a few seconds of hesitating, I slowly went to the lady, Demi, and she took my hand. I looked outside of my house and saw everyone looking towards us, with police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks hovering around the house. Demi could sense my fear so she kind of hugged me in a comforting way in hopes that I will untense alittle bit. I guess it worked.
             It took us alittle while to get through the crowd of people before arriving at her police car. Once we got there, I got in
"You can sit in the front if you want." She told me, after seeing that I sat in the back.
"No I'm fine." I mumbled, barely loud enough so she can hear me.
She just sighed a sad sigh, I guess because I won't talk or open up to her, but what does she expect? My father just killed himself after raping me for a good hour. I don't think I'll be opening up much for a while.
              She doesn't know about the rape, and I intend for it to keep it that way. I don't want anyone to know what he did to me. It's far too embarrassing.
"We're here." She softly said, turning her head to look at me. I just had my head against the window, looking outside. Kind of like those depressed movies where you're leaving your best friend or someone dies and you're really sad so you look out the window staring into space for some unknown reason that no body knows..
I looked at her for a split second, only to see her pitiful, sympathetic smile that I do not want to see right now, so I just put my head back down as I was unbuckling and getting out of the car.
Once we were inside the police station, she told me to follow her to a room with nothing in it but a chair and a table, making me feel like I'm being interrogated or something.
"Kendall, you're about to meet some really nice guys. They're going to ask you questions about what you heard, how's he's been for the last month, and what was going on before the incident..." I stopped listening to her when she said that they were going to ask me about what happened before the incident. I can't tell them what happened. They're going to think that I'm some slut or hoe or something of that nature. I can't tell them. I just can't.
"....are you okay with going in there alone?" I zoned back in to what she was saying only to be the end of her sentence. I thought about it for a while. I don't want to be in there alone with two men. I don't want her to leave me. She's the only person I can trust right now and if she leaves then I'll have no one. I can't let her leave me.
"Sweet Heart, what's wrong?" She brought me back to earth by wiping a tear off from under my eye. I didn't even realize I was crying.
"Pl-please don't leave m-me." I choked up, taking myself by surprise. She kneeled down to my height and looked at me straight in the eyes.. well tried to anyway. I had my head down as far as it would go so she wouldn't see me being vulnerable. Once she saw that I was not putting my head back up, she gently took her fingers and lifted my chin up. I was trying my best to avoid eye contact, but it didn't really work out.
"Kendall look at me." She demanded, sternly but softly. I hesitantly stopped moving my eyes so my eyes met hers.
"You will be just fine. They are really good guys and they won't hurt you, I promise." She tried to convince me, but I didn't believe her.
"I don't want to go in without you. I won't." I stubbornly said. I may be acting like a child right now, but I am trying to get my point across, and if being a child does that, then so be it.
She just softly chuckled, but still remained serious. "If you really don't want to go in there alone, then I will go with you, okay?" I just nodded, and did something that I never in a million years expected to do.
I hugged her.
She was taken aback at first, but quickly hugged me back. Her hugs are comforting. Like the kind of comfort that a mom would have with her daughter.
"Okay. Let's get this over with." She got back up and grabbed a hold of my hand, then walked us both in to the room.
When we got inside, the two men were already there, looking at us. I hid behind Demi's legs as we were getting closer.
"Hello, Kendall. I am detective Logan and this is detective Smith. We are going to ask you a few questions if you don't mind?" He asked, waiting for a reply. I slightly nodded, just for them to barely see my answer.
"Do you know if your father was experiencing any sort of depression?"
I chuckled, harshly. Yeah. It's called the rape your daughter disorder.
"Don't know. Don't care." I was all of a sudden so harsh and bitter towards them. I didn't realize talking about my father would make me like this.
Everyone just looked at me, with alittle bit of shock in their faces.
"So you don't know if he was battling anything like that?" I just shook my head no, not really knowing what more to say.
"What did you hear when you were in the house when this incident happened?"
"All I heard was a loud bang, maybe even two, and then it was silent." I was being kind of blunt towards them, wanting desperately for this all to be over.
He started to write stuff down on his little notepad before asking me what I feared he would ask.
"What was going on before he killed himself? Did anything happen that caused him to shoot himself?"
It was like I was frozen in time. Thinking back to what happened. The pain he gave me, the desperate pleading I did with him not giving any fucks, the soreness I felt afterwards. Yeah something happened, it just so happens that that something happened to me.
"N-No.." damn why the fuck would I hesitate. Now they will for sure know that something happened.
"Are you sure?" He asked, skeptically.
I just nodded in response. Afraid that if I say words, I would either stutter or shake, or both.
"Kendall. This is a safe place. No one else is going to find out, but you need to tell us if something happened so we can help you." I contemplated whether or not to tell them. I mean they said it was a safe place, and I trust Demi, so they have to be nice too.
"He raped me." I mumbled, hoping they didn't hear me. Boy was I wrong.
"Has that happened a lot?" I just nodded, then turned my head to look at Demi, who was crying silently. Why would she be crying over me? No one cries over me. I don't deserve their tears.
"How often?" Will he just fucking stop asking me questions? Damn.
"Atleast once a day, maybe even twice if he was drunk or mad enough." I figured to just tell them everything. Hell, they were going to find out anyways, they're police officers.
"That was very brave of you to do, Kendall. We are so proud of you." That caught me by surprise. No one has ever been proud of me before besides my inner demons. It gave me a peculiar feeling, but I think I liked it.
I just smiled in return, the first time in several months.
"Y'all may leave now. Thank you Kendall." He said to me. We both walked out and as soon as the door closed, Demi embraced me in a tight hug for what felt like years.
"I had no idea. I'm so sorry you had to live through that." She was still kind of crying while saying that. I didn't really know what to say.
"Yeah, well, it's over now." And then a question popped into my head that we haven't talked about at all.
"Um... where am I going to be staying?..."