Same Mistakes -Jason McCann LS-

Chapter 5: Regret

When I opened my eyes I was in the bed. I looked around to find Dan sitting on the couch.

''Morning.'' He said.

I looked at him. I was trying to understand.

''Since you're awake I've got something for you.'' He said. He got up and grabbed the tray from the table.

''Come on. Can you sit?''

I straightened up.

''Okay there you go.'' He said as he took a spoonful of soup from the bowl.

When I finished eating he put the tray away.

''Feeling better?'' he asked.

I nodded.

''So I've got good news and bad news which one do you want to hear first?'' he asked.

''Does it matter?'' I asked like he was talking nonsense. Actually, he was talking nonsense. There's no such 'good news' unless he's saying 'the police came you're going home.''

''Okay. The good one then. You're free to eat.'' He said.

''What?''

''He decided not to kill you from starving.'' He said. An awkward silence. Then he continued.

''The bad news is you made him pretty mad. Why did you even do that?''

''I don't know. I'm mad too.'' I said.

''I don't understand. What did you do to him?'' Dan asked.

''What I did to him? Yeah I did something. But no to him. I did the last thing I could do for a dead boy. I found his killer.'' I said.

''What?''

''Jason and I... we used to be ... You know what? Never mind. It's a long story.''

''I've got time.''

''I'm sorry I don't think I can tell you right now. I don't think I even want to remember it.'' I said with a cold voice.

''Okay, however you want. I'll leave you alone then. I'll come back later though. ''

Then he took the tray and left after he left me a glass of water.

I closed my eyes to rest a little bit. But all the images from past didn't leave me alone. I kept seeing the images from my past. Not connected. So random images. One after another, they kept flowing into my mind.

There's me and Jason. His lips are on mine.

It's dark. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

We're having dinner. He's holding my hand gently.

He's slapping me. I can feel the blood taste on the corner of my mouth.

Tom. Lying on the floor with blood rushing out of his dead body.

He dropped the gun.

''Liv...'' he whispered.

I opened my eyes.

I don't remember falling asleep. But when I opened my eyes I saw Jason sitting on a chair next to my bed. I straightened up. I didn't want to look into his eyes. Because I was afraid to see my Jason. Not the one who hurt me but the one who loved me, whom I loved.

''Why are you doing this?'' he spoke with a low voice. Tired voice.

''Doing what?'' I asked. I'm pretty sure I spent the night sleeping. I didn't do anything. I didn't even try to run.

''Why don't you just behave?''

''Behave? The way you want me to? I'm a human Jason and I decide what to do.''

''What you do is not good! I don't want to....'' He began but then -I don't know why- he stopped. '' I didn't mean to slap you yesterday.''

''You did. You wanted to scare me remember? You did. Now I'm afraid of you but not because you hit me. But because I saw what you've become. ''

''Oh, yeah? Really? What I've become then tell me?''

''A monster.'' I whispered. I could see his temper rising but still I continued.

''Have you ever regretted?'' he asked all of a sudden.

''What?''

''Have you ever felt sorry for sending me to that hell?''

So what? Was this a tricky question?

''No. I haven't.'' I said without looking at him. I couldn't dare.

He didn't say anything. So I continued.

''Because I didn't send the man I love there. The man I loved died that night. '' I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes and I couldn't keep them back.

''He died with Tom. So it wasn't him who went there it was you. And you're nothing like him! You're nothing like my Jason!

So no, I haven't regretted it.'' I said.

''That's how you deal with the remorse?'' he snorted.

''And how do you deal with yours?'' I asked.

He didn't say anything. He stood up and walked towards the door.

''So what now?'' I asked. ''Was that what this is all about? Regret. Are you going to kill me? Or let me go? 'Cause it's either one of them.'' I said.

He turned his back to me with a small smirk.

''I'm not going to kill you. Instead I'll make sure you'll live long enough in this house, with me. In your hell.'' He said with his low, cold voice.

''You can't keep me here forever. You know I'm going to get out.''

''We'll see about that.'' He said with a pleased smile and winked. Then he left me alone.