Every Cliché Ever

1. Every First Chapter Ever

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I groan. Who dares to disturb my beauty sleep? I open my eyes and see the alarm clock blaring. My mortal enemy.

Can I just ask you one single question.

Yes?

Why the hell does every single story start with an alarm clock beeping like some girl on her period. If you EVER start a story with an alarm clock again, I'm gonna BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

And second of all how can you simply open your eyes up when you wake up. Don't your eyes contain all the weird crusty stuff that looks like rat poop? Maybe I'm just the one who has that problem.

I pick up the alarm clock and throw it at the wall.

Yeah, that's totally not broken.

I try to get out of bed but trip and fall.

Fall?! FALL?! Oh, come on!! Who actually does that?!

I get up and look into the mirror. I have curly and luscious blonde hair that reaches my butt. I have full lips and my eyes are a crystal clear blue. I start to cry.

Why am I so ugly?!

Uh... Ugly. Okay, yeah, I totally agree with you. I'm not being sarcastic at all. Yeah, keep going.

And one more thing. Crystal clear eyes? Are your eyes glass? Marbles? Are you a fish? Or are you blind? I have so many questions right now.

After I take a shower, I put on a $500 blouse that's black and green at the same time, so it's dark green. It says "NERD" in white letters in the "Satisfy" font. The sleeves reach my elbow and have white lacy frills.

I wear my $990 jeans that are ripped and faded, with a $1290 diamond-encrusted belt. And yes, they are real diamonds. I put on my $3000 white Vans sneakers and have my hair up in a messy bun with a cute $400 pink and blue butterfly barrette.

First of all, I have a question for you, dear readers. Did you actually read all of that? Be honest now.

*sigh* If only people gave this much detail in the plot instead of the effing clothes description.

And messy buns? Messy buns. Really? Like, obviously, that's not overused like a million times already, like am I right or am I right?

One final question. If you have CURLY and REALLY LONG hair, then how would your "messy bun" even look like? It would be all droopy like a bird's nest after a rabid squirrel attacked it.

I use my private elevator to get down my 20-storey mansion into the kitchen. I'm so poor.

Poor? That's poor? If that's poor, then what's rich?

I start crying again for no apparent reason at all.

Wow... Umm... Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave. (If you know that reference, then you're my new bestfriend.)

I walk to hell, oops, I mean school.

That sentence has already been used 1,245,148,909 times, but I guess another time won't hurt.

And where's your school bag? Just wonderin'.

I bump into a blonde girl with blue eyes.

Ooh, ooh, let me guess! She's..... the evil bitch, isn't she?

She's such an evil bitch.

I KNEW IT!!! *high-fives myself*

And she's a cheerleader, isn't she?

I eye her cheerleader outfit.

I KNEW IT!!! *high-fives myself again* I'm not crazy, I swear!

I walk away before I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn and see the blonde cheerleader.

"Hey, you dropped this," she says with a gentle smile, holding out my $700 fake crocodile leather wallet.

"Thief!!!" I yell, snatching my wallet from her.

"I'm not a thief," she tells me, trying to calm me down. "You're new right? I'm Jacqueline."

I glare at her.

She doesn't seem to take the hint. "And you are?"

"Kylienakalaylee Brown," I hiss through grit teeth and stomp away.

That girl's blonde with blue eyes and she's a cheerleader. I should stay away from her. What was her name again? Jacky Chan? Fuck! I forgot!

Wow! You're a racist little donkey, you know that?

A/n: Oh my god. I'm sorry this chapter is sooo short. I'll try to make up for it in the next one.

Oh yeah. For the next chapter, I need 19102834293934742 votes.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. *shakes head* What the actual eff is wrong with these people?

And don't lie to me, the next chapter is gonna be teeny tiny like this too.