Sabay

If Only

NP: Kung pwede lang (Sabrina)

"i don't want to see you again"

"Don't touch me"

"pinandidirihan ka niya Abigail"

"layuan mo anak ko"

(She's lying in bed, those words hunts her every time, even in her sleep. She'll delete it only if she could)

(The pains linger in her heart. There are moments she does not want to wake up)

please, tama na tapusin niyo na, ayoko na magising pa- Abi

(Whispering in her sleep)

(Her eyes opened, looking straight up at her ceiling all colored beige. Far different from her dark room in their old mansion)

(Still in her uniform, Abigail woke up from her constant nightmare. She's been dreaming of the past ever since but it's more often than before, since she saw Noah again)

(Tapped her forehead and burrowed her face in her hands))

paano ako nakauwi?

(Wondering how she got home, she stood up and took a bath)

Abigail! - Jessa (sitting in her wheelchair beside the bath room's door)

Ate..

latekanaataumuwi

ah may konting celebration pokasi dumating yung may-aring bar

may-ari? hindibasi sir Jack yung owner?

yung, yung ka-partner niyapo...(stuttering she responded to her sister's every question)

linggo ngayon, siguro naman may oras kang mamalengke...masama pakiramdam ni nanay

ah.o.opo ate ako na pobahala

(She bowed her head and entered the bathroom. soaking herself in a cold shower, the thought of Manoah's treatment of her lingers)

(Wearing her clothes on, combing her long thick curly hair looking at herself in the mirror, she sees a lady, a lady who had abandoned her greatest love. She put down the comb, shaking her head slowly, stood up and went her way to the market)

(She walks beside the pavement, into the bus stop. She walks as like she floats)

parang kailan lang, mag-isa din akong naglalakad ng ganito

(She muttered to herself. As she walks her long hair being blown by a soft wind, even her long skirt sways like it dances in the breeze)

tapos humiling ako at.....":at dumating ako, sinabayan kita diba? sa lahat ng trip momahal"

at hinawakan mo kamay ko, kahit ayaw mong umuulan, "pero nag-paulan ako para sayo"

kahit baliw tingnan hahaha "nabaliw ako sayo"

(she smiled, looked at her side, pretending that Noah is beside her, walking with her still)

pero ngayon, wala na (her smile turned into a frown, the image of Noah beside her dissolved slowly) at ako may kasalanan ng lahat

(In everywhere she went, she thought of him. She sees him)

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paano ba kita makakalimutan Manoah? ang utak ko gustong-gusto pero ang puso ko parang pinipilipit sa sakit sa tuwing binabalak kong burahin ka sa isip ko, sa ala-ala ko

gusto kong humingi ng tawad sayo, hindi ko rin sigurado kung gugustuhin ko pabang marinig mga sasabihin mo, ngunit kahit na siguro murahin mo ako sigawan ako lahat tatanggapin ko, makuha ko lang ulit atensyon mo, kausapin mo lang ulit ako

alam ng Dyos ang laki ng takot kong nakita kita ulit, takot na magdudulot nanaman ako ng gulo sa buhay mo, ng sakit sa puso mo pero wala na yatang mas sasakit pa na makita kang masaya, na parang hindi mo ako kilala

gustuhin ko man maging masaya para sayo dahil naibalik mo na muli ang dati mong buhay, makita kang muling maligaya, sobrang sakit na hindi na ako ang dahilan ng lahat ng kaligayahan nayon

yung dating ako lang ang iyong nakikita, ngayon ay titig ng panghuhusga. ramdam ko ang pag-iwas mo, ni ayaw mong madampi ng hininga ko ang balat mo

ganun naba ako sa paningin mo? ganun ba ako nakakadiri sa harap mo? gustong gusto kong ipaliwanag lahat, ipagtanggol ang sarili ko pero anong karapatan ko gawin lahat ng yon kung nung una palang hindi nako naging tapat sayo? kung mas pinili kong umiwas at lumayo kesa ang sabayan ka

gusto kong malaman kung ako paba laman ng puso mo, ngunit unti-unti mo nang pinaparamdam na hindi na nga ako

sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari Mahal ko, mahal kita higit pa sa buhay ko, at sana, sana maunawan mo lahat to balang araw

(muttered every lines to herself, while shedding some tears. there at the bus stop standing in front of the busy crowd in a rush hour carrying a bag of groceries, Abi and time seems to stand still that only people, cars and lights passing )

kumpwede ko langibaliklahat, gagawin ko...(placing her hands to her aching heart, sobbing tears falling)

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