It's Already Inside You | Soul Eater

11 || The Dark Room

The one thing I've wanted to forget the most, is the dark room. The room in which I've been confined to, time and time again. Really it was horrible. Creepy. Weird. I never want to go back, and hope I never will.

It was depressing, to think of every scar I've recieved after visiting that room. Every bite and every sort of poison, marring my already broken body. Every time Crona has tried to rescue me, but only ended up getting hurt himself. 

So...if I don't want to relive those horrors, why am I back? Why am I standing in a room so dark, yet still being able to see? How is that possible? Am I even awake?

I look around, and feel my heart jump. Fluttering in my chest. The strangest thing about this weird encounter was...I am not alone. 

There was someone else here with me. A girl, who was about my age. She was strange looking.

She has long black hair in a messy bun, with light white streaks going through it. Her eyes were a vibrant gold, and it seems as if I've actually talked to her before. But, I don't really recall it. She stares at me in confusion.

 Suddenly, the reasoning behind my being here hits me in the face. I feel bad. Very, very bad as I finally realize why Mother has sent me here.

She has sent me to this girl's dreams to punish her.

If she wanted to hurt this girl, why didn't she do it herself? I am so confused. Do I even have the capability to hurt her? Do I want to punish her?

I start to sniffle, feeling like a crybaby. A sniveling, pathetic, crying child who can't do much. I can't hurt her. I don't want to hurt any one. I don't want anybody to feel pain because of me.

I don't want to be a monster.

I close my eyes and run for the corner, slamming into it and sliding down. I was sort of acting like Crona would. He resolved just about everything with the corner, and I could tell why. The closeness of the walls made me feel like nothing could touch me. 

Like I was too far away to hurt anything.

Small echoes on the marble floor tell me that the girl was approaching me. Why was she coming closer, when we both knew I was here to hurt her?

The girl touches my shoulder. Her hand was gentle, kind, but I jump in fear anyways. Instinct, I guess. She recoils and sighs.

"Where's the Sn-" she began in a kind voice, but I begin to quake at the beginning of Mother's nickname from many. What will she do to me if I fail?

"Where's the Snake Woman?" she finishes quietly, eyes casting down at me.

I start to cry. I don't know where she is, and I don't want to. The tears felt like acid, burning into the skin of my face.

"M-Medusa couldn't m-make i-i-it..." I say shakily, pulling my legs closer to my body. I just wanted to shrink into a ball, smaller and smaller by the second, until I completely disappeared.

She looks surprised, then turns to the doors. Her eyes narrow, and she steps closer to get a better look at whatever she saw.

Problem was, I saw what she saw, too. Crona's light pink hair, as he scurried out of sight. I won't let her hurt him. She won't even get close.

She began to walk towards him, but, I intervene. My muscles take over and my fist collides with her stomach. She falls to the ground, coughing. I can't believe I really just did that. 

I am an awful person.

She stares at me, shocked. I start sobbing over what I just did.

"I-I'm so sorry!" I cry, almost yelling it.

She stares at me for only a moment longer, blinking in shock, before turning to the door to see Crona. Again. I punch her for a second time, but this time in her face. The sensation of pain blooms through my knuckles.

She isn't going to hurt Big Brother.

But still, I'm mortified with myself. I was beginning to hurt her, as Mother wished for me to do. Why should I do this, when I have my own choices?

"D-don't hurt him!" I sob, standing awkwardly. I feel like a total idiot. I am a total idiot. 

She gives me a soft look, then tries to open the door. I hear a cold, hateful, venomous voice echo through the room.

"The door only opens inward!" it snaps at her. I hold a hand to my mouth when I realize that that voice...was mine.

Well, not mine mine, but mine. It came from my mouth. Would this have to do with the sounds of Mother's voice in my head? Either way, I was beginning to become what I never want to be.

Her.

I close my eyes. This can't be happening! I'm not a monster, am I? I'm human, right? No. I am a monster. I am a monster. I really don't want to be, but I am. I am. I am Medusa's pawn. I want to change, but do I even have that sort of power in me?

"I-I'm not a monster..." I whisper to myself. I sink into the corner yet again and try to breathe. I can't. I could feel it. That pain. The pain of my spirit. Breaking. My soul forever tainted. My heart, breaking on my own accord again.

I tried. I tried to accomplish this goal for Mother. But I never really had it in me. Why do I feel so useless? It feels almost as bad as that night full of hallucinations. I am a pathetic, horrible excuse for a human. I am not human.

I really am a monster.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Her hand. This time I don't even flinch. I continue to sob into my hands so she couldn't see my face. The tears were burning more than ever before.

"I know," she says softly. "I know you aren't a monster."

She doesn't think I'm a monster? Why? This is so strange to me. This is the only gesture of kindness I've ever recieved, except from the likes of those from my brother. I look up and my ice cold eyes bear into her golden ones.

That determination and strong will was like a burning golden flame. She was a good person. She puts others before herself. She was kind and considerate. More than I could ever hope to be. But deep down, I could tell.

I could see all the neglect and hardships she has endured. The pain. The sorrows. The hatred. But most of all, I could see him.

I could see Death the Kidd.