Dead Poets Club ✓

got a laser light mind/heart

kill the engine / don't runaway / or go searching for a hideaway /

you first got the idea from the movies and westerns you kept stashed between your mattress and bed frame to fill your dreams up with peachy keen Arizona sunsets and citrus centrifuges and sand in your eyes like pinpricks of tears while you drive. don't let them/her see you cry. boys don't cry, boys can't cry, oh honey, don't you know boys lie?

garish yellow caution tape thrown around your heart with an iphone long dead, go searching for a pay phone instead. like the neon glare of the underpass sign, drive hammered, get nailed, you fucked around and got attached too. you'd rather take a baseball bat to the head, watch the bruises form behind your retinas.

now what do you do? the roar in your ears, the sickening rush of the room makes you feel like a martyr but you're just choking on divinity, on her kiss, in the secular age. nothing more, nothing less, you're volatile like skunk breath. and now there is more than just air in your lungs.

it makes you think. and thinking makes you scratch bloody lines on your face like that american indian war paint when you were young on boys with mustang horse skin.

are they gonna deport you too? away from holier than thou mouths- away from her- from the terra cotta dunes- away from her- from the court splattered with red nevada highways- away from her- from the cactus spikes sinking deep into your spine of the righteous- god, anything, but not away from her- until your goodness is stripped from you and mars oozes down your back (this isn't what they mean when they say you're made of stardust).

you can't breath you can't sleep you can't breath you can't sleep. don't let them take you- her- with nails so deep oh, they cut so sweet. keep her safe. from who? you?

you can't function your system has been crunched to bits by the beat drop so you drink mouthwash instead of soda in a 3am cheerleader-esque frenzy hands aching with want. what do you want? what do you want? what do you want? her, her, her. the telephone wire goes around your neck, your friends like the feds asking where the hell you've been. is there seltzer in your brain? you swear there is because you just can't think straight and maybe you're hallucinating and maybe you should try reading the warnings on mouthwash. and maybe and maybe and maybe.

you want to say it's all her fault, but it's not and it's not and it's not.

☆

thank you for #80 POE (191216)!! is it okay to be in love with my readers even if i don't even know all of your names yet you're all so precious to me!! hmu in the comments, i want to know what you think!!

props to liv's ( anglosaxons ) dude for drinking alcohol at 3 am in the morning and ally's ( reitvelds ) parody of drinking mouthwash instead for like half of this chapter wild times, wild times.

edited: 28 april, 2018