Poems...

Hurt...

He always promised not to break my heart.

And I always told him to never make promises he couldn't keep.

And now I'm heading back to the start,

Picking up the pieces because he had to leave.

In case my celestial reads this...

This is hard, the nightmares, the lack of sleeping.

But what broke my heart, was you saying that it was inevitable.

It wasn't. You said that yourself, you promised me. But I'm not mad. And I am certainly not worried about you. Sure, your situation is awful and tragic and quite literally the worst thing I've ever known someone to go through, however that doesn't mean I will spend the rest of my days thinking about you. Sure, it will take a very long time for me to move on, but I will. 

It's funny, how our entire love story could be deleted with two taps and a confirmation. You called me your baby girl moments before you snatched the title from me. Don't get me wrong, it hurts. It really really hurts, but I'm not angry. Just confused. And I guess this is me asking for permission to eventually move on. I will tell you though- my first step is forgetting. I will simply forget the last year, and I will simply delete the playlist, the pictures, the links. Any poem or short writing piece will be stored away, never to be opened again. And my bubble-wrapped heart will be mailed to a federal containment center so that I can protect it. 

My mom asked if we would ever get back together... I'd love to say yes, in a heart-beat, but truth be told, as much as I love you, I don't think I could keep it together. I don't think I'd be as patient. I don't think I could be the girlfriend you need- you were always reckless, and I was always careful. I guess I was reckless in letting you in, and you chose carefully to give us up. 

But I love you. I always will. This pathetic attempt at saying goodbye is for me, as selfish as that is. But just this once I need to be, because that's the only way I could be normal. To forget, and to explain that I am forgetting, because this is a choice. It's not inevitable, it never was. You just didn't care as much as me, and I placed you high up on a shelf and painted you in constellations while you anchored me to a spot so low on the ground that I felt that I was only meant to be tossed into oceans. The difference is staggering but I felt okay with it. So I love you, my celestial being, but I am letting you go. I am forgetting you.