Please Be Home

Shake//Dan

•second person•

Apathy for sleep, darling.

It's nine o' clock. Three hours until midnight. Can you hear me? I think I'm sleeping...but I can't stop thinking of you.

And I'm scared, because this how it starts. This is how it all starts. I'm falling.

You're in the other room; right next to mine. I can't hear you sleep, are you awake? No. It's nine o' clock. Three hours until midnight, and it's the jet lag that has you knocked out while the stars are too.

Like an elementary child you rest in what I call late afternoon.

But my eyes are closed and my breathing is steady, and it's blue eyes. Yes, it's crystal clear like mixed paint swatches of blue, green and yellow that keep me thinking in this sleepy state.

I'm dreaming. So I must be asleep, but I fail to rest.

I can hear your voice and I can see your smile. Behind my eyes I feel your presence and, heavens, you are beautiful. And I can forge an entire world of possibilities behind my eyelids. Possibilities where you're mine, and I can finally meet your pink lips with my own.

It's ten o' clock, and I'm standing outside of your door.

I'm shaking, and I shouldn't be. You're my best friend, Phil. So why am I scared?

I open your door and there you are. So peaceful, and undisturbed.

"Phil?" I call to you.

"Hmhmhhmhm?"

"Can I sleep in here?"

"Why?"

And really, in this moment my heart sort of hurts. Did I need a reason? I test it.

"I don't know."

You turn to me with question in your features, and there my heart goes again. But I'm questioning why I need to sleep in here too. What is this impulse?

"Yeah, sure. I'm too tired to question anymore," you mutter, and snuggle into your duvet.

You sleep, instantly.

I'm confused myself for why my brain has carried me here. But as I crawl into your bed and lie next to you, I know exactly why.

All I can do is stare at you.

Being this close to you while you're so tiny and vulnerable makes my heart race. And tonight, there's something different about looking at you. Tonight you're a cure for insomnia.

And I can't hold you, but your warm presence feels so homely on its own. It's eleven o' clock, and I'm still resisting from cuddling into your body and feeling your broad shoulders wrap their connecting arms around me.

Maybe these thoughts are dangerous.
No, there is no doubt that they are.

You snort a little bit, and I smile as my eyes droop. One last glance at you, and I'm gone. Finally, I sleep.

•••

~I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it.~

•The 1975

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AN: This whole thing is written out, but I'll update it once a day, I think. Heh heh heh. Maybe twice because I like to read your guys' comments for reactions. I get bored.