My depression hurts, it hurts physically and mentally. I don't tell anyone this, I don't tell them how I feel or what I want, because I know how they will react. They will feel bad, or upset, they will say "I'm sorry" or "It's okay", and I done want that. I don't want them to care, but at the same time I do. I don't want them to feel bad because it just makes me feel worse that they are thinking about my well being instead of their own. I feel guilty about it. And it hurts everywhere, not just my chest, but my stomach, legs, arms, literally everything is in pain. I don't remember when it started or when it will end but it has stopped me from doing many things. Being around my family or hanging out with my friends. I don't like talking about it, in fact I never have until this. I always push my feelings down until I'm alone, where I can feel free to let the out. I used to burn myself, every single night. But I stopped because my friend didn't want me to. I used to smoke, but I stopped cause my family wanted me to. I still drink though. It's all I have left that keeps me distracted from what I'm feeling. It numbs it in a sense. Please, if you are reading this, don't feel bad, you don't need to. I'm just venting, I suppose I am fine though, so please, just read it, hear my story. Help people who actually need it. I promise I'm fine.
