The Jellicle Chronicles - Year Two

Star Cats

PROLOGUE: A while back, I tried unsuccessfully to get a parody episode of the original STAR TREK series published in a fanzine (you know - softbound pre-internet books?). This story has been floating around in bit-land since then, and was just screaming to be let out. Sorry gang, but I am afraid I am going to let it loose, and to the Pollicles with it! This story parodies a Hugo Award winning episode entitled: “The Trouble with Tribbles.” My apologies to Gene Roddenberry, David Gerrold, Paramount Studios, and anyone ever connected with this production. If you are not among them, sit back and enjoy the show, er, story. Considering I am using Jellicles in this version, maybe I should apologize to the Eliots, Sir Webber, Mr. Nunn, and the numerous actors and actresses of CATS as well. Oh, well... might as well get everybody with this one! R. 

      The worst mistake Munkustrap ever made was to fall asleep on the entertainment center of his Human’s home. For some reason, which to this day Munkustrap never really understood, the network decided to air a series of the original 1967 series of Star Trek from the United States. Most of the episodes were winners of the Hugo Award, whatever that was. His Human, being a science fiction fan from his University days, found it and began watching it early in the day. 

      The second worst mistake Munkustrap did was help his Human eat an anchovy pizza. Was the garlic at fault or was it the anchovies? His Human seemed to take some perverse pleasure in feeding the small fish to him. It was okay when they started, but somewhere Munkustrap abandoned his common sense. By late afternoon, Munkustrap tried to tune the TV show, and the smell of the pizza out, and take a nap. 

      Now many people know that if you sleep with something in the background, it is perfectly normal that the subject of the background can became the center of your dreams. Your unconscious has a nasty habit of doing that, and Munkustrap’s was not immune to it. So, as Munkustrap entered into REM and began to dream, a certain episode came on, and quietly slipped in to make its presence known. Of course, it also had to vie with the effects of the pizza, but that’s another story (and Munkus never told that one to me, so it’s lost for all time - R -). 

THE TROUBLE WITH TRUFFLES 

      “Spaced... The Final Litter Box... These are voyages of the Starschlep Jellicle. It’s five-year mission - to seek out tuna parfait supreme cat food, to prowl distant Junkyards, to maintain a high enough rating to pay our salaries for the next five years. To boldly go where no cat has gone before!” 

      “Captain?” 

      Munkustrap was not having a good day. To begin with, his favorite soap opera, Battlecat Catnipia, had been canceled due to poor ratings. Then, his yeoman, Ensign Demeter, had short-sheeted his bed for the third day straight. Now, he was nursing a hangover from the catnip julep Doctor Misto served up in Sickbay. He mused about what could be worse when he turned to Lt. Bomba at the Communications station. 

      “Go ahead, Bomba, make my day.” 

      “I’m picking up a grade-A, top-dog, king-of-the-hill, bona-fide distress call from the K-9 Station orbiting Charmin’s Planet.” 

      Immediately, Mungojerrie, at helm, punched the big red button. Sirens went off, red lights flashed and klaxons rang all over the ship. Everyone on board was running bananas all over the place, and got just about the same amount of work done. 

      Munkus took out a big mallet, and destroyed the red button on the console. The siren faded, the lights blinked off, and the klaxon blatted forth a D-flat below the Bass Clef before going silent. 

      “Lt. Mungo. Could you at least wait until I order red-alert before you do that,” Munkus said, nursing his headache. “Very well, shift this puppy into overdrive and make for Charmin’s Planet, maximum wrapped.”