What If

Prologue

Summer 2004

Brian could feel the excitement of leaving for the Vans Warped Tour. It was the first time the guys had really been recognized as an up and coming band and he knew it was a great opportunity. A summer on the road in a real tour bus...it was a great accomplishment for all. With a duffel bag in one hand and Kate's warm hand in the other, he made his way toward his band mates.

They'd almost made it when Kate stopped dead in her tracks, tugging on his arm. He turned back to see her eyes wide.

"Katie?" he asked. 

She shook her head and her dark hair swayed with the motion. "Bri, I have a bad feeling about this."

Brian's dark eyebrows crashed together. "About what? The bus? You think its going to crash or something?"

"No," she replied quickly "It's not that. It's just...something feels off about all this."

Brian sighed exasperated "Kate..."

"Hear me out, Brian," she added "I know we've talked about this..and I know we agreed for you to go on tour and for me to take that summer internship at Stanford. It's just...I mean logically I know this is the right thing for us to do. It's only the summer and we'll be fine, I just have this weird feeling that..."

"Brian!" Matt called from the bus "Get your ass moving. It's time to fucking go."

Brian chuckled as he flipped Matt off before turning his attention back to his girlfriend. "Katie, it'll be fine. We have a plan. I need to do this and you need this internship to help you get into law school."

"I don't...I don't need it. Don't go, Bri," Kate said suddenly grabbing his hand with both of hers."Stay...here...with me. I won't go to Stanford. Or I can come with you."

Brian wanted to say yes....yes to have his girlfriend come with him on tour. Hell Val was coming with them. He loved Kate. She had picked up the pieces of his heart after Michelle Dibenedetto had shattered it. She carefully put each piece in its place until it was whole again. She was beautiful, funny and hands down the smartest person that he knew, next to Jimmy of course. She'd graduated college in three years and had been offered a prime internship under one of her law school professors. So as much as he wanted her to go with him, he knew she'd been working so hard to qualify for her job. She'd resent him if she didn't take it. He wouldn't be able to bear that...her giving her dream up for his. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight as she grabbed the front of his t shirt with both hands. He kissed the top of her head. "It's just a few months, Katie. I'll be back. I promise, time will fly. We both have great opportunities in front of us. Great plans. After we're done, we can come home and talk all about them."

Kate looked up into his chocolate brown eyes, holding back her tears. She nodded softly and Brian felt like she finally was seeing reason.

"LET'S GO GATES!!!" a harried voice yelled again and Brian looked over at the guys waving him over.

Kate made one last attempt. "Bri...I just don't think...I mean...we won't make it through this. I feel it in my gut and I don't want to lose us. I love you."

"Hey now," he said in a soothing tone touching her face softly. "Katie, I love you too..... And no amount of time apart is going to change that. I promise."

"You're right...I'm sorry," she nodded sadly and gave a quick smile. "You should just go...really...they're waiting for you."

"Are you going to be..."he began

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Get the hell outta my sight. You bother me."

He looked into her blue eyes."Katie..."

"I'll be fine," she attempted a real smile this time. "Just...call me later. Okay?"

He leaned in and gave her one last kiss before picking his duffel back up and shuffling toward the bus. He stopped on the last step and blew her a kiss which she reached out and grabbed from the air and pressed to her heart. He rewarded her with a final grin before the doors closed.

Kate watched the bus pull out of the parking lot, tears streaming down her face. She watched in vain as it pulled on to the road, almost willing it to stop....waiting...waiting...but it didn't..