Undercover Feelings ✓

Baby Daddy

Colin went to his favorite watering hole and found Robbie already sitting at the bar with three empty glasses in front of him.

"Hey," Robbie slurred as he waved to the bartender.  "Lemme have another one of these. . . whatever.  As long as it's got alcohol in it."

Colin sat next to him.  "I'm guessing things are going well with Christina?"

Robbie took a swig from Drink Number Four before speaking.  "Oh, things are just dandy.  Peachy.  Super. A dream come true. I am just so frickin happy, my teeth are gonna start hurting from smiling so damn much."

Colin ordered a beer.  "Okay, how bad is it?"

Robbie ordered and drank his fifth drink before answering.  "Oh, you're going to love this.  Guess what?"

"What?"

"Guess?"

"I give up, what?"

Robbie waved him closer, then yelled "I'm going to be a baby daddy."

Colin looked shocked.  "Are you serious?"

"Yup.

"Seriously?"

A cigarette dangled from Robbie's lips.  It stayed there while he took a drink from Number Six.

"I thought you used protection," Colin said.  "Unless your little swimmers somehow managed to bust through them."

Robbie shook his head.  "No no no, I forgot to pack them when we went out of town.  But Christina let me do it anyway.  Hey, ever done it without a condom?"

Colin looked around quickly.  "Shhhh you're too loud."

"Well have you? Have you ever done it without a condom?" Robbie pointed his finger at him.

"Maybe a few times, lower your voice."

Robbie kept babbling.  "It's frickin great.  All that skin on skin.  I think I'm gonna give up on condoms."

"Sure, great idea." Colin said.  "Knock up more girls and catch yourself an STD while you're at it."

Robbie had to think deeply about that, or as much as the liquor will allow.  "Oh yeah, that's right.  Babies are made without condoms.  That's how my kid got here."

Colin took a sip of beer.  "So what are you going to do?"

"Right now?" Robbie climbed off his bar stool.  "I'm gonna go take a piss."

"I meant about the baby, dumbass."

"Oh, my bad.  Christina wants to keep it so that's what we're gonna do.  'scuse me."

Robbie stumbled to the mens room.  When he opened the door he was faced with a most disgusting sight.  The floor was covered in urine, toilet paper was everywhere, and the toilet itself was stopped up with Lord knows what.

"Oh hell no.". Robbie backed up.  "Hey," he told the bartender.  "You need to clean the john."

"You clean it." The bartender said.

"Shit." Robbie muttered as he headed to the door.

"Where are you going?" Colin asked.

"Be right back," Robbie told him.  "I gotta go piss."

Robbie left the bar and went around the side.  He dropped his pants and started to take it out when all of a sudden. . .bright lights flared up around him.

"The fuck?"

"DO NOT MOVE!" said a booming voice.

Robbie turned around, his cigarette still hanging from his lips.  "What!"