My Special Snowflake (updates monthly)

Chapter 3

I woke up to the sun shining through my window, lighting the room.  My head was fuzzy and as soon as I started to regain a little bit of functionality, I realized my arm stung with pain so vibrant a normal person wouldn't be able to ignore.  Sadly it wasn't normal.  Instead, my mind was severely fucked up.

Slowly I pushed myself up to a sitting position and as I did something fell onto my lap.  I barely had to glance at it to know what it was.  Small, cold, shiny, and sharp; I picked up my razor quickly before hiding it back where it belonged in its box.  The notebook and pencil were stashed under a blanket in the corner of bed.  After setting the pencil down on the night stand, I carefully opened the book to the page marked.  A double digit number stood out on the slightly warped paper, most likely have been dampened by my tears last night.

Ten.  a big one zero was scrawled in the center of the page with "lines" written slightly neater below, the date was marked in the upper outer corner of the page, encircled in a squiggly line.  I sighed.  I had been clean for a couple weeks, but I guess all good things come to an end, right?

With a clearer mind I set out to find all the new cuts.  As soon as I looked down on my left arm I found seven of the ten.  Three were on the heel of my hand, which hurt like hell, and four were on the inside of my elbow.  Those didn't hurt as bad, but they had definitely bled more.  Even without having to see where they were at, I knew the other three cuts were on my upper right thigh.  To check I gently pushed my fingers down on it, and immediately I pulled them away in reaction to the new found pain.

Sighing, I reached over to my phone resting on the night stand and checked for messages.  There were three, all from Caleb.  I set the phone down and ignored him.  I couldn't get into a fight with him now.  Slowly I got up and forced my brain to start functioning normally.  A piece of my depression still clung to the back of my thoughts with a grip of steel, but I tried my best to ignore it as well.  I pulled on a pair of leggings to cover up the cuts on my legs then just a sweatshirt over my sports bra.  I then trudged downstairs to greet the day with a phony smile.

"Sleep well," my mom asked when I made it down the steps.  I nodded and gave her a tired smile, hoping she wouldn't notice the bags I knew were under my eyes.  I wandered into the kitchen in hopes of finding something to eat, but as soon as I did my brain found some way of convincing me that I didn't need to eat.  I made an aimless and weary circle around the house before finding my way back upstairs and in my room.  

No sooner had I walked in then my phone lit up with a text message.  I bit my lip, unsure of whether or not to look.  I finally decided to, and was glad to see Jo's face light up to show me who had texted.  Flopping down on my bed I lay down on my back and opened the message to see what she wanted.

Jo: Hey girl, you want to come to a bonfire tonight?  Andy and Al are coming, we just need youuuuu!

Marie: Hold on for a few minutes, let me ask my mom about it...

I thought for a moment, glancing down at my hand.  While all my friends told me everything wrong in their lives, I rarely told any of them when something was wrong with me.  I told Andy on occasion, but even still it was rare.  I didn't want any of them finding out,  but I decided to ask my mom anyway.  Maybe what I needed was a night off, spend some well needed time with friends; besides, Jo's bonfires were always the best.  The wood was piled ten feet high and the fire itself usually reached two stories.

I set off to find my mom who was in the kitchen getting herself breakfast.  My stomach grumbled a little bit, but my brain refused to let my mouth ask for even a little bit to eat. 

"Hey mom, anything going on tonight?"  I sat at the breakfast bar and rested my chin on a fist as I scrolled through Tumblr mindlessly.

"I can't think of anything at the moment, why do you ask?"

"Jo's end of the year bonfire is tonight and I just got the text to see if I was coming."

"Don't you guys have a show tomorrow night?"  I bit my lip just now thinking about it.

"Yeah, but it's not like it's a sleepover, it's never been one."  Mom shrugged in reply and returned her attention to her omelet.

"I suppose.  What time do you need to be there and what time do you need to be picked up?"  I mumbled something that resembled "Hold on," and returned to my phone to ask Jo.

Marie: Mom says I can.  What times?

Jo: YESSSS!!!  It's 4:30 to midnight.  It's the closest to a sleepover I can get with the show tomorrow.

Marie: Lol okay.  Sweet I'll see you then I guess.

Jo: See you then!  I'll make sure to have Mountain Dew!

I bit my lip.  Every one knew how much I loved Mountain Dew, it was my favourite thing to drink, but when it came to anxiety and depression, it was my worst nightmare.  It just made it ten times worse.

"What time do you have to be there?"  My mom's question shocked my out of my thoughts.  I shook my head once, trying to loosen depression's grip on my mind, but it didn't work.

"Jo said it starts at 4:30 and you need to pick me up at midnight."

"Okay will do."  I wandered back to my room and flopped onto my bed again.  I sighed, thankful for the distraction tonight, but I still couldn't get Caleb off my mind, and I hated myself for it.

A/N:  Hey guys, not much to say other than if you want a story please let me know!

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