Fear of being a traitor
Fear of letting people down
Fear of no change
I'm on the March to the Sea. I'm walking down the shore, I'm going to drown if I keep walking. Someone save me. Savemesavemesavemesavemekillmesavemesaveme
Please. Save me save me. Or wash me, can you wash me? Or how about drown me?
She's trying as hard as she can. She thinks she's doing what's best for us. Homeschooling us, protecting us, caging us. Banning me from anything she thinks might be bad or depressing. I'm banned from Wattpad. That's why I only do it at night. I hide my music from her, she'd just take it away. Earlier I was covering myself up with a pink and purple and blue quilt she had made for me. I'm not a girly precious blanket. I'm a black, gray, dark blue. I pushed it away. But she worked for hours every day to make it and I felt like crap. I don't deserve it. She does a lot. I don't fucking deserve anything. I'm a traitor. I let her down every single night. And I just want to leave, can't wait til I'm 18. But what's she gonna do? Us kids r her life. She's sad that we might be going to school cuz she won't have anything to do. When she's not busy she gets depressed. She's had a bad past. Her real dad beat her mom and touched kids inappropriately then left and......I'm glad I don't know him. And a lot more.But once she in tears said that she sometimes just wants to kill herself. She just heard what cutting is so ik she doesn't do that. And I'm scared she'll do something....
Fuck fuck fuck
Sorry for the language it just makes me feel a bit better idk why sorry
There it is. The word im always saying. Sorry. Sorry. I'm fucking sorry mom. I'm sorry everybody. I don't deserve u.
Haven't listened to music for about an hour.....I really need some music... TØP will keep me....
I feel like a bird whose wings r broken. I'm floating on the surface of the Sea and lots of lighter birds are soaring above me. And I'm sinking. I can't breath and everyone else can. And there are a few struggling underneath like me. A lot of carcasses. Broken birds....that's a good band name.
I think I'm iNsAnE...
I need to write music...it helped Tyler. He was homeschooled.
Tomorrow I'm gonna have to be extra plastic. My grandma iis coming over and I can't say anything to her or shell tell mom. once I said that I have to pretend not to like something cuz mom won't like it...mom asked me about it and I said she was kinda judgmental. so I think she's trying to not be so judgmental but I think she knows I'm depressed she made a comment so I think I'm gonna have to fake it like always.
I think i think I think I think. When I think to much I start repeating it. Like if I have a fact or plead I'll repeat it over and over in my head as if it will change anything. Hahaha nothings changing. Cuz I can't tell anyone. Or I'm to much of a coward to mention it. It wouldn't end well...
Oh yeah, and you should probably leave me. Don't want u hurt.
I'm lonely... Friday night at 12 I should be at a friends house or a party or something. No, I'm alone in my bed.
So lonely all the time. my fault though.
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Don't leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Haha I'm screwed.
Savemesavemesavemesavemekillmesavemesaveme
What have I become?
I'm sorry.
Funny thing is, nothing bad happened today...
