I had this dream the other night:
I was in a big, dark crowd. Loud screams. I was in a TØP concert. My dad was by me and he was enjoying the show, not as much as me of course. Tyler was screaming one long word but I couldn't make it out. It was amazing. Scene change. I was sitting in the living room. Watching the concert on live TV. I was kinda disappointed cuz I was just there, and now I was just at home. But I was still loving the song, though I didn't know what it was. My mom came in and told me to turn it down. So I did and it wasn't as great. Then she told me to go in her room to watch cuz it was too loud for her and she didn't want to hear it. I went to her room and listened to it quietly. Then my little 10 year old brother came in and said to do it somewhere else. I told him no way and to shut up. But then mom was behind him and telling me to do it with that horrible disappointed look. I took it to her desk in her room and plugged in the earbuds and listened to it through them and watching a blank white screen. It went from concert to earbuds. I love TØP and I've never been to a concert and it sucked.
I heard what he was screaming now. "Traitor"
When I woke up I was hoping that I'd get déjà vu so I could remember the word "traitor" so I could know if they ever came out with a song.
A few days later I realized what it meant. I will always love something and mom will never approve. She'll always take it away. I'll always have to hide it from her. And if she finds out she'll be mad, or give me that disappointed look or ground me from things that keep me going. I hide Wattpad, and my music, and how I don't want to be homeschooled, and any thought in my head that she didn't create.
But I betray her everyday. She works so hard to protect me, teach me, feed me, do what's best for me. Being a mom. And I sneak things everyday, I'm doing it right now.
I realized that he was right. Tyler. I am a traitor.
