Forsaken [MxM]

Chapter 2: Captivated

^ Ivan ^

Ivan

I ran my hand along the armrest of my chair, losing myself in the feeling of smooth wood beneath my fingertips. Would my mate's skin be as smooth as this- or rough to the touch? Would he have golden tan skin or porcelain white? The questions fluttered through my mind.

It seemed harmless to let myself wonder about my mate, but in the end it only caused me pain. Anger bubbled through my veins, seeping into every pore and scorching every fiber of my being with a burning rage. I had to bite back a growl, my claws growing out into the longer, sharper claws of my wolf.

I clenched my hands, the knuckles turning white and nails digging into my palm, drawing blood. Thankfully some of the anger dulled, and my claws retracted. I frowned down at my hands as the cuts shrunk away until they were completely gone, leaving behind a few splatters of crimson. Physical wounds healed in a blink, thanks to werewolf genetics.

But emotional wounds?

I sighed tiredly. Why must I continue to torture myself like this? Whenever I allow myself to think about what my mate might be like, I realize I will most likely never know. "You shouldn't do that to yourself, Boss. It's not healthy." Came Dominic's gruff voice. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

The flames of the bonfire flickered across his face and was reflected in his deep, brown eyes making them appear almost golden. Dominic was resting in a chair carved from a fallen tree, elbows resting on his knees and  holding his chin in his hands as he gazed into the fire.

His expression was stoic as usual, his eyes glazed over with a serious look usually reserved for doctors when they had to give bad news. But alas, Dominic was no surgeon with grim news, he wasn't even the pack doctor.

Dominic was thinking. Then again, he was almost always thinking, which is one of the reasons he is the pack's Beta and my good friend. For someone as young as him, he is wise beyond years. "I know I shouldn't, but how can I not?" I asked him, hoping that he could give me some advice, some sliver of hope I could hold onto.

The pack lives here permanently, like all other packs, which means my mate would have to come here; because I certainly can't up and leave to go find him. And what are the chances of my mate showing up here, a million to one?

A billion to one?

I've been trying to stay positive, but every day that comes and goes without my mate kills me a little on the inside. It's like there's this gaping hole in my chest, a void, and it grows bigger each day. I feel so damn empty, even surrounded by my pack I feel alone. . .

With the odds of finding one's true mate so slim, most of the pack has given up and have chosen to mate within the pack. But I just couldn't find it in myself to just give up like that, no matter what the odds. "Lupin blessed you with a mate, and one day you will find him. May it be today, next month, or next year. As long as you have faith and hope all will end well."

My lips pulled up slightly in a smile, "I doubt my mate will show up today. And what about the rest of the pack, why have they not found their mates and have settled for mating amongst themselves?" I teased, eyebrow quirked slightly.

Dominic tore his gaze from the fire, his honey brown eyes meeting mine, "They have given up hope a long time ago, you have not. You are worthy of a mate." He said seriously before turning back to the flames. I too, turned to the flames, if only to distract myself from thoughts that were sure to depress me.